CRASH AND BURN
by shygurl88
Summary: one mistake......one bet....can ron and hermione's love survive such hatred? or will it all crash and burn?
1. a bad dream

You know how people say they suck at summaries?...well multiply that by ten and you've got me...so read the first chapter; if you like it, carry on, if you don't, I apologize in advance for wasting 5 minutes of your life :( lol.

**WARNING: this story involves sexual content, mild violence, and language.**

disclaimer: i own nothing!!!

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_"Ron!" Hermione gasped in shock, as she immediately pulled away from Malfoy's kiss,_

_Ron stared at Hermione with pure fury, before storming off, making sure he slammed the door loudly shut behind him._

_Hermione jumped off of her bed and rushed after him, ignoring the cruel, gleeful laughter coming from Malfoy._

_"Ron...wait!" she panted as she finally caught up with him, adjusting the slipping strap on her dress, "Please...I can explain"_

_Her once elegant hair, was now unraveling as she continued to keep up with Ron's fast paced walking. Ron abruptly stopped, and rounded on Hermione, almost causing her to bump into him._

_"Explain what, Hermione?!?!" he yelled, causing Hermione to flinch and step back, "There's nothing to explain...I think I'm bright enough to guess what was going on!!"_

_"Ron, please...you don't understand..." she cried, "I...I didn't mean to...honestly I..." Hermione was interrupted by Ron's sarcastic laugh,_

_"You didn't mean to?!?" he asked incredulously, as Hermione tried to fight back her tears._

_"Let me get this straight...I'm suppose to believe that this was all just one, big funny misunderstanding, and since you didn't **mean to do it**, that makes everything ok; and now I can forgive you." Ron, through all his rage, gave a small sarcastic smile._

_Hermione stared heplessly into Ron's eyes, "Ron...I'm sorry...please, I can explain..."_

_"There's nothing left for you to explain, Hermione," Ron said quietly, "We're done."_

_The tears Hermione had been trying to hold back for so long, now fell freely from her eyes, "Ron..." she pleaded as she grabbed his arm to keep him from walking away._

_"Don't touch me!" He spat through gritted teeth, jerking his arm roughly away from her, Hermione was so taken aback by how hostile his words sounded, she didn't know what to say._

_Ron stared at her, Her mascara was now staining her face, her dress strap, was slightly slipping off her shoulder, and her hair was now an utter mess, for a split second he would have taken pity on her, but the memories of what he saw flashed through his mind again. Ron stared at her lips, her lipstick was smudged slightly across her mouth, he could almost see the imprints of Draco's kisses on her neck and face..._

_Ron looked straight into Hermione's eyes, his expression was full of hurt and dissapointment, "Of all people Hermione...You chose Malfoy...", Hermione would rather have died a thousand deaths, than continue to see the look of betrayal on Ron's face._

_Her eyes were now puffy and red, "Ronald... please" she pleaded in between sobs, as she tried once again to explain herself._

_Ron shook his head in disgust, the look of vulnerability was now gone from his eyes, only to be replaced by a look of sheer contempt, "You're nothing but a slut" he spat, each word plunged into Hermione's heart like a dagger, leaving her awestruck and horrified._

_Ron gave Hermione one last look of contempt before walking away from her for good._

_"No..." Hermione whispered, as she watched Ron, the only person she had ever truly loved, walk away from her without a second glance...She shook her head in disbelief, tears flooding her eyes all over again, "No..."_

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"NO!!!" she yelled. Hermione sat bolt upright in her bed, panting heavily, fresh tears began to spill from her eyes as she scanned her room. She looked out her window, it was barely dawn. Hermione buried her face in her hands, "It was just a bad dream", she whispered to herself, She began to cry as soon as she remembered the truth...her dreams were in fact a realilty...and it was only a few days ago since Ron had broke up with her so harshly.

Hermione got dressed and ready for school, _Maybe Ron will have thought things over during the weekend_...she thought hopefully to herself..._Who am I kidding...he'll probably never want to speak to me again..._whispered a little voice in her head. Hermione stood at the bottom of the stairs of the Head Girl Tower...concentrating on the back of the portrait hole, debating whether she should go down and face all of Hogwarts, who, by now probably all knew what had happened that Friday night...

She nodded her head resolutely, _I'm just going to go straight to Ron, and apologize to him in a civil manner...he'll forgive me...he just has to..._

Hermione drew in a deep breath and swung open the portrait hole,

"Well, here goes nothing..." she whispered to herself as she stepped out into the corridor...

* * *

_Why do I have to fly  
Over every town up and down the line?  
I'll die in the clouds above  
And you that I defend, I do not love _

_I wake up, it's a bad dream  
No one on my side  
I was fighting  
But I just feel too tired  
To be fighting  
Guess I'm not the fighting kind_

_Where will I meet my fate?  
Baby I'm a man, I was born to hate  
And when will I meet my end?  
In a better time you could be my friend_

_Where do we go?  
I don't even know  
My strange old face  
And I'm thinking about those days  
And I'm thinking about those days..._

_-keane_

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So, that was the 1st chapter of crash and burn, sorry it's kinda short...i hope you liked it, please review if you think i should continue, there's a trailer i made for this fanfic and my other fanfic. you can get the links on my profile page... 


	2. how strong do you think i am?

**-----**another disclaimer: i decided to name the chapters after titles of songs...so i don't own those either :(

**-----**i added new warnings to the summary in chapter 1, so you might want to check that out, just in case...i also might plan on changing the rating to M, in future chapters just to be on the safe side...**and please review!!!, as soon as i get enough reviews i will post the next chapter :) ,** hope you enjoy chapter 2!!

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Hermione continued to walk down the corridor, she momentarily paused as she saw the exact same hallway where she and Ron had stood only a few nights before...She drew a deep breath and walked on, _Just tell him the truth...he'll understand_...she thought to herself as she pushed open the doors to the Great Hall...

Hermione was suprised to see so many people already there for breakfast, but continued to walk towards the Gryffindor table as soon as she spotted Ron, Harry and Ginny. She immediately became conscious of all the stares following her as she made her way towards the three.

"Ron??" she asked timidly as she stood behind him..." I was wondering if I..." but her words were cut off as Ginny made her way in between her and Ron.

"He doesn't want to talk to you, Hermione." she snapped.

"Ginny," Hermione whispered, "...I really need to speak to him..."

Hermione glanced at Ron and Harry, praying that one of them would at least look at her, but both of them seemed to refuse to even acknowledge she was there.

"Are you stupid or something??? What part of **'he doesn't want to talk to you'** don't you get??" asked Ginny her anger slightly rising.

"Ginny...please.." she whispered desperately as she looked behind her, at least half of the Hall were now staring at them. "Please...let me just explain to him..."

"No" Ginny answered matter-of-factly as she folded her arms over her chest, refusing Hermione to get any closer to Ron.

"Oh, this is ridiculous!" Hermione exclaimed as she tried to push her way through towards Ron.

Ginny gave Hermione a rough push so that she staggered backwards, All eyes were now on Hermione and Ginny, even Ron and Harry had turned around to look.

Ginny stared daggers at Hermione, while Hermione looked scandalized...she felt hurt and betrayed, she had always gotten along well with Ginny, and yes they've had their fair share of arguements...but nothing like this...

"Ginny, you don't understand...If you would just let me explain..." Hermione said desperately.

Ginny made to punch Hermione but Harry grabbed her arm to stop her, "Ginny, that's enough.." Harry said quietly,

"NO," Ginny yelled as she jerked her hand away, "She should learn when to keep her mouth AND her legs shut!!".

Hermione felt her heart drop to the pit of her stomach, she didn't think she could feel any worse than she did a few nights ago, but Ginny had definitely proved her wrong.

Hermione opened her mouth to retort as her eyes stung with tears, but before she could say anything, Ginny lunged forward, she slapped her hard across the face and shoved her into the table behind her...Hermione's forehead hit the corner of the wooden table before she fell hard to the ground, her hand breaking the fall. Hermione grabbed Ginny by the shoulders as she tried to push her off, but Ginny's fist soon collided with Hermione's unprotected face, causing her to cry out in pain. Hermione balled her own fists in an attempt to punch Ginny back, but before she could react she felt Ginny's weight lift off of her...

"That's ENOUGH!!! What in Merlin's name is going on??!!?!" yelled Professor McGonagall, as she parted through the crowd of students which had now circled around Hermione and Ginny.

Ginny was restrained by Harry and Ron as she struggled to punch Hermione again. "It's Hermione's fault!!, She's a fucking whore!!" yelled Ginny.

Hermione, a look of utter rage on her face, lunged for Ginny but was immediately pulled back around the waist by Hagrid.

"Ginny Weasley!!" yelled an awestruck Professor McGonagall, "one week's detention, and 50 points from Gryffindor for your language."

"But..." Ginny yelled in protest,

"Miss Weasley, I suggest you leave this Hall without another word, or it will be 200 points from Gryffindor!" said Professor McGonagall, her expression livid.

Ginny gave Hermione one last angry look before storming off, with Ron and Harry by her side.

"And Miss Granger," said Professor McGonagall, now rounding on Hermione, She would have yelled, but decided to take pity once she saw the state of Hermione,"I suggest you get yourself to the hospital wing..."

Hermione had just noticed that Hagrid had let go of her, she nodded quietly to Professor McGonagall before stumbling through the crowd, and towards the hospital wing, ignoring the whispers and dirty looks geared towards her.

"Move along, nothing to see here!" she heard Hagrid yell to the crowd in the Great Hall.

Hermione began walking up the staircase, finally realizing how much pain she was in, she felt the stinging pain in her knees with each step she climbed, glancing down she noticed that her knees were bleeding, as was the palm of her left hand...She could already feel the bruise begin to welt up right below her eye, where Ginny had punched her. She tried her best to stop the flow of blood dripping from her nose, but it was no use. By the time she reached the doors to the hospital wing, she had a splitting headache. She winced as soon as she remembered that her forehead had hit the corner of the table.

"Oh my..." gasped Madam Pomfrey, as she saw the sight of Hermione, "Well, come along dear" as she pulled Hermione inside and sat her down on one of the beds,

"That's going to need a few magical stitches..." Madam Pomfrey said as she inspected the cut on Hermione's forehead,

Madam Pomfrey gently lifted up Hermione's left wrist,

"Ouch!" yelped Hermione,

"Yes, just as I suspected...your wrist is fractured Miss Granger...we're going to have to regrow that" she said matter-of-factly.

Madam Pomfrey shook her head in disapproval, "I say...young ladies brawling in Hogwarts...what has your generation come to??"

Hermione opened her mouth to retort, but quickly closed it...she was too tired to argue...

"I'll go get the Skele-Gro...It looks like you're going to have to miss your first day of classes " stated Madam Pomfrey as she walked away towards her office.

For the first time, in what seemed like a long time, Hermione felt relief...she suprisingly didn't care how behind she would be in all her classes...all she cared about was not having to face Ron, Harry, Ginny and the rest of Hogwarts taunting or ignoring her...

but the truth was, she'd rather face all of that anyday, in exchange for never having to see a certain pale faced blonde boy ever again...

* * *

_if i don't cry, do you think i don't feel?  
if i look away, it doesn't mean i don't see,  
and just because i want someone when i'm alone,  
doesn't mean i'm helpless,  
that i can't stand on my own. _

how far can we go before we break?  
how long can i wait?

how strong do you think i am?  
how much can i take of this?  
am i a rock, or a rose, or a fist?  
or the breath at the end of a kiss?  
how deep do you want to go, becuase i'll go there if i can,  
you make it harder than it has to be,  
how strong how strong, how strong do you think i am?

_...if i move in any closer,  
if you let go and give yourself away,  
and if we let this happen to us,  
everything will change..._

_-alexz johnson_


	3. over my head

Thanks for the reviews, you guys make my day:), so here's chapter 3, like i promised, i'm going to be out of town for the weekend so it might take a little while for me to post the next chapter, i'll try to get it up as soon as i can...KEEP REVIEWING:)

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Hermione was released from the hospital wing later that evening, She caught sight of Lavender and Pavarti and gave them a small smile as they made their way down towards the Great Hall for supper...to her dissapointment, they just shot her a disgusting look and walked on to join the rest of Hogwarts in the Great Hall, She realized that she was starving...but decided to skip dinner, she didn't really feel up to facing anyone at the moment. She gave a regretful sigh and walk towards her room.

"Harry!" she called out hopefully, when she saw him standing by her portrait hole,

Harry gave her a small smile, as she rushed forward and embraced him, Hermione was literally on the verge of tears, it felt as if she hadn't talked to anyone in ages.

"I just wanted to see how you were...I went to the hospital wing, but Madam Pomfrey said you just left." Harry said

"Yeah, I didn't really feel up for dinner..." Hermione said quietly, looking down as she shuffled her feet...

"Um...Hermione...I was wondering if I could talk to you..." Harry asked awkwardly.

"Oh..um yeah, sure..of course..what is it?" she asked trying to sound casual...

Harry looked around to make sure no one could hear them before he pulled her aside...

"Is it true?...I mean...Ron told me, and...people are saying...That you and Malfoy...well you know...and I know you would never do anything like that...but..." Harry asked uncertainly,

Hermione looked into Harry's eyes, they were almost begging her to prove him wrong...To prove Ron wrong...

Hermione drew a deep breath, and broke away from his gaze, "Harry...it's complicated..."

"Complicated?!?" Harry asked incredulously, "Hermione...it's a simple question...did you, or did you not??"

Hermione bit her lip, before looking back into Harry's eyes, "yes..." she whispered, "but...it was a mistake" she said quickly "...I " Hermione didn't finish her sentence, as soon as she saw the familiar look of disappointment and anger on Harry's face.

"Harry, please..." she tried to explain, for what seemed like the millionth time this week.

"I was upset over the arguing with Ron...and i wasn't thinking right...I don't know what came over me...I just..." she tried to explain frantically,

"Don't, Hermione..." Harry spat through gritted teeth, "Don't you dare try to blame this on something else..."

"Harry..." Hermione whispered, shaking her head as her eyes filled with tears, "I'm not trying to blame anyone...What I did was wrong, I know that, but...I didn't mean to Harry, I swear...I didn't mean to do it..."

Harry shook his head in dissappointment, "I expected more from you, Hermione...How could you do something like that to Ron??? for god's sake Hermione, he loved you!"

"and I still love him...I always will!!!" she shot back.

Hermione wiped her eyes and looked down at the floor in shame..."Harry, I made a mistake...and I'm sorry...I am...But you need to know, I'm not perfect...you have to understand...there was nothing I could do."

Harry shook his head, he refused to believe anything Hermione was saying, "That's where you're wrong, Hermione, you could have just said no..."

Hermione looked at him with hurt, tears staining her face all over again, She opened her mouth to speak...to scream...to say anything...she wanted him to know...she wanted to tell him the truth, but no noise escaped her lips...

"Look, I don't want you coming near Ron, or Ginny, or any of us..." Harry said finally, "You've done enough damage, he doesn't need anymore reminders of what you did...do you understand me?". He asked rudely.

Every harsh word stung Hermione like a knife, all she could do was stare at him with hurt and disbelief...This Harry seemed unrecognizable...The Harry she knew would never talk to her like that, and most of all, Harry would never ask her to stay away from them...

Harry started to walk away from her, it was only then that Hermione found her voice,

"Harry..." she whispered, and to her suprise, Harry stopped dead in his tracks, he was only a few steps away from Hermione, but he didn't bother to turn around.

"Everyone else is shutting me out...Ron...Ginny..." she said quietly,

"I swear to you..." Hermione said earnestly as she tried to hold back her crying, "I swear, I never meant to hurt Ron..."

Harry finally turned around to face Hermione, he opened his mouth to retort, to tell her it was all her fault everyone was shutting her out...but Hermione stopped him,

"You're all I have left, Harry...No one else will speak to me..." she finally whispered in defeat, "...please..." she begged as she looked at him pleadingly "don't leave me too...".

Harry moved closer to Hermione, "What you did was you're fault...You brought this upon yourself..." he said through gritted teeth,

Hermione nodded, before looking back at him, her eyes shiny with tears, "So that's it then?...I've known you and Ron for six years, and it's all going to end like this??" she asked uncertainly,

"All we've been through together...you're just going to throw it all away?" she asked, as her voice became unsteady with tears...

Harry gave Hermione a final look of pure hatred, "You should have asked yourself that same question before you slept with Malfoy..." and with that he stormed off,

Hermione felt a huge wave of guilt wash over her as she watched Harry walk away, she rushed into her portrait hole and ran inside her common room, her eyes filled with tears...

* * *

"Granger..." drawled a cruel, familiar voice coming from the otherside of the common room. 

Hermione froze, her heart racing...she had completely forgotten she lived in the same tower with the bastard...

Malfoy had a sneer playing across his face as he made his way towards Hermione, he stopped mere inches away from her,

Hermione wanted to scream...to run...but her body refused, it seemed to be in too much shock.

Draco brushed his hand against her cheek, "Why the long face?" he teased in mock sympathy as he wiped away a stray tear.

The very touch of Draco repulsed Hermione and sent a chill down her spine...She broke eye contact and stared down at the floor in shame..

Draco chuckled, feeling satisfied, he left Hermione to drown in her emotions...

As soon as Hermione heard the portrait hole shut she raced up the stairs to her bedroom and bolted the door shut...

Hermione paced and paced her room before finally sliding down against her door in defeat...She buried her face in her hands, and cried and cried for hours on end...all the emotions she had bottled up inside escaped through her sobbing...

She stared out her bedroom window and frowned at the stars and moon shining brightly and winking back at her...almost mocking her... It was only a few nights ago when she would have looked at that same moon and smiled...

"How could I have let this happen??" she cried to herself. Hermione remembered back to a few years ago, the day Ron defended her when Malfoy called her a 'mudblood'...

back then, they were known as 'The Golden Trio'...and back then, Ron and Harry would have been by her side without a second thought...

but now...now she was all alone in her dark room...everything she worked for...her friends...her dignity...her life... everything she built, had come crashing down...

* * *

_I never knew  
I never knew that everything was falling through  
That everyone I knew was waiting on a queue  
To turn and run when all I needed was the truth  
But that's how it's got to be  
It's coming down to nothing more than apathy  
I'd rather run the other way than stay and see  
The smoke and who's still standing when it clears _

Everyone knows I'm in  
Over my head  
Over my head  
With eight seconds left in overtime  
She's on your mind  
She's on your mind

Let's rearrange  
I wish you were a stranger I could disengage  
Say that we agree and then never change  
Soften a bit until we all just get along  
But that's disregard  
Find another friend and you discard  
As you lose the argument in a cable car  
Hanging above as the canyon comes between...

...And suddenly I become a part of your past  
I'm becoming the part that don't last  
I'm losing you and its effortless  
Without a sound we lose sight of the ground  
In the throw around  
Never thought that you wanted to bring it down  
I won't let it go down till we torch it ourselves

_and every one knows im in over my head..._

_-the fray_


	4. what hurts the most

----ok, i said i'd post this up when i got back...but i couldn't help it lol...here's chapter four...and i want to thank ALL of you for your reviews...**please** keep reviewing so i can be motivated to post the next chapter up sooner:) lol, hope you enjoy!!!

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_"Well, what is it??" Hermione asked worriedly,_

_"Umm…well…the thing is…you see…umm…" Ron stammered…_

_"Ronald Weasley, you've been acting strange ever since I got here...and you're really starting to scare me…so Spill it out!!!" Hermione said as she placed her hands on her hips, tapping her foot impatiently, oddly reminding Ron of his mom…_

_Although Ron wouldn't admit it, Hermione had a point, He really HAD been acting strange….ever since Hermione arrived at the Burrow, two weeks ago for summer vacation, he would blush as red as his hair whenever she walked in, or stutter whenever she addressed him…The pressure was really on him, now that Ginny and Harry's relationship was no longer a secret to the rest of the Weasley family, it was Ron's turn to admit his feelings for Hermione…_

_**But what if she says no**??? Ron panicked _

_Ron gave a nervous glance to the back kitchen door, where Harry and Ginny were peering through, Harry gave Ron a significant look, urging him on…..Ron drew a deep breath, **You can do this**…..he thought silently…_

_"Hermione...I…" Ron stuttered, as Hermione looked at him expectantly. "wiyouemygrlfrnd??" He asked in one rushed breath._

_"Uhh...what??" she asked, as she furrowed her brow in confusion._

_Ron sighed heavily and rubbed his forehead in frustration, it was hard enough for him to say it once, he didn't know if he could say it again….._

_"Ron…" Hermione said gently, as she held his hand comfortingly, "It's ok, just relax"._

_Ron felt a sudden rush of encouragement and bravery the minute Hermione held his hand._

_Ron drew a final deep breath, "Hermione..." he said firmly, "Will you...Will you be my girlfriend?" he stared determinedly into Hermione's eyes, **it's ok if she says no...**Ron thought, trying to convince himself._

_Hermione's expression was blank, Ron didn't know how much longer he could stand the silence...He was just about to tell her that he understood..._

_Until her face broke into a small smile, "Of course," she whispered, as her smile widened, "I thought you'd never ask..."._

_"Really??," Ron asked, utterely baffled at his luck, "Are you sure...I mean...you don't have to...I would understand...I..."_

_"Oh Ronald, shut up before I change my mind!" Hermione laughed, before she finally stood on her tiptoes and pulled him in for a sweet kiss..._

_It was like nothing they had ever experienced, her soft lips against his, made Ron smile like he had never smiled before, Hermione's heart fluttered the moment her lips touched Ron, she had been waiting for this moment since she was eleven years old...and five years was DEFINITELY worth the wait...Ron felt as if he could soar right into the sky with the way he was feeling now...and Hermione felt as if the whole world was celebrating with the joy she was feeling, she could have sworn that fireworks were shooting up into the sky...**wait a minute...**she thought to herself...she finally broke away from their passionate kiss and looked up..._

_there **were** fireworks shooting from the sky...**what in the world is going on???** she asked herself, giving a confused look to Ron, Ron shrugged, he was just as confused as she was...But they didn't have to look far for the answer, Hermione turned around to find Harry and the whole Weasley family, standing outside and staring at them with broad grins on their faces._

_"ABOUT BLOODY TIME RON!!" yelled Fred, as he set off another one of his fireworks into the sky,_

_Hermione broke into a fit of giggles and buried her face in Ron's chest, as it turned bright red with embarrasement..._

_Hermione and Ron both laughed out loud when they saw George and Ginny dance a little jig, "Ron and Hermione sitting in a tree..." they chanted merrily._

_Bill made his way over to the couple, "Congrats you two!!!," he smiled, "for a second I thought this stupid git was gonna blow it" he chuckled as he playfully smacked Ron across the head._

_"Oww!" Ron yelled as he rubbed the back of his head, "I am not a stupid git..." he muttered indignantly in his defense..._

_Hermione smiled as she placed her hands softly on Ron's face, "Awww...well at least you're MY stupid git..." she laughed,_

_Ron pulled her in closer, "Too right you are..." he chuckled, before kissing her softly again._

_"Ron...not in front of your mum," she giggled as she pushed him away._

_"What???...oh!" he said as he saw Mrs. Weasley rushing towards them. "Hey mum...um, sorry I didn't..."_

_"Oh!" exclaimed Mrs. Weasley interrupting Ron's explanation, as she ran over to the two and hugged them tightly, "I'm so happy for you two...I knew it...I knew there was something going on between you two" she said knowingly as she wiped the tears of joy from her eyes._

_Hermione sighed in relief, ecstatic that Mrs. Weasley wasn't mad at their very public display of affection._

_"Well, come along!!! Dinner's ready" Mrs. Weasley yelled happily to them all as she ushered everyone inside._

_Hermione and Ron stayed back as they watched the rest walk into the kitchen, _

_Hermione gave him a kiss on the cheek, and held his hand, "You coming?" she smiled sweetly_

_Ron nodded, and broke into a wide smile, "I could get use to this..." he grinned as he interlocked his fingers with hers,_

_"Me too..." she whispered happily before they both followed the rest inside the house, hand in hand..._

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Ron stared moodily into the fireplace as he remembered that day at the Burrow, it was the happiest day of his life..."_Now look at me..." _he thought sadly as he sat alone in the Gryffindor common room, _"I'm eighteen years old...and I have no one..."_ he glanced at the picture he was holding, Hermione and Ron were holding each other's hands tightly, before Hermione planted a kiss on Ron's cheek, his smile growing even wider...

Ron gave the picture one last look before tearing it in half, he crumpled it into his hand and threw the picture into the fire...

**_How did it come to this..._**he thought to himself, he thought they were happy...but now...Ron could honestly say that he never wanted to see Hermione again...Ron was hurt...He was angry...How could Hermione have done what she did?!?!

Ron sighed, as he tried to rub the tiredness out of his eyes, He hadn't been able to sleep in months...this was his routine; getting up in the middle of the night to stare at the dying fire, while he sat alone in the common room...and for that he hated Hermione, how could she hurt him like that???? what did he ever do to her???...Ron wished she could feel the way he felt every time he saw her...He would give anything to have her feel even half the pain he felt...everytime she walked into class, everytime she glanced at him when she thought he wasn't looking, was like another knife plunging into his heart...

_Ron scowled, as he imagined Hermione...**She's probably sleeping peacefully in her bed...While I'm sitting here thinking about all our stupid memories together...**_

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Hermione slammed the snooze button on her alarm clock, "_Just five more minutes_"...she whispered to herself, as she lay her head on her pillow,

Hermione felt a heavy feeling in her heart...she thought she would be use to this feeling by now, since she felt it everytime she woke up, and every moment before she fell asleep...or tried to fall asleep...

Hermione tried to go to sleep, but the minute she closed her eyes and felt the darkness of the night overtake her, she would immediately be awoken by her nightmares...

She furiously wiped the hot tears from her eyes...she was so tired...tired of crying, tired of feeling like this, tired of not being able to sleep at night...tired of everything...

Hermione sighed as she finally got up to get ready for school, making sure she avoided glancing in the mirror, knowing that she wouldn't be satisfied at what she saw, the dark circles under her eyes were a constant reminder of all her sleepless nights...

It had been almost three months since 'the incident', as she liked to call it,

the first couple of weeks she tried apologizing to Ron, a countless number of times...but talking to him was like talking to a brick wall...in fact, trying to talk to anyone was like talking to a brick wall...it seemed as though all of Hogwarts had shut her out...if they weren't ignoring her, they were taunting her...

Hermione couldn't even remember the last time she talked to someone..._Is it possible to forget how to talk??_ she thought sadly to herself...She had never felt so alone in her life...everyday she went through school, dronelessly...she was nothing but an empty shell, she now ignored all the dirty stares and hisses from students,...pretending everything was ok, she hid her burden of emotions only for herself, she would only let them out the minute she was locked away in her lonely room...

She wished she could just tell Ron how much she missed him...She wanted to tell him how sorry she was...but it was no use...no matter how hard she tried...

_"What do you expect, Hermione??"_ she thought angrily to herself_, "After what you did to him...I'm suprised that you even expected him to forgive you..."_

"Harry was right..." she whispered aloud, "It was all my fault..." her heart grew even heavier at this realization...she really had screwed up...big time...and there was nothing she could do to take back her mistakes...

* * *

_I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house  
That don't bother me  
I can take a few tears now and then and just let them out  
I'm not afraid to cry every once in a while  
Even though going on with you gone still upsets me  
There are days every now and again I pretend I'm ok  
But that's not what gets me _

What hurts the most  
Was being so close  
And having so much to say  
And watching you walk away  
And never knowing  
What could have been  
And not seeing that loving you  
Is what I was tryin' to do

It's hard to deal with the pain of losing you everywhere I go  
But I'm doin' It  
It's hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and I'm alone  
Still Harder  
Getting up, getting dressed, livin' with this regret  
But I know if I could do it over  
I would trade give away all the words that I saved in my heart  
That I left unspoken...

_-rascal flatts_


	5. Temporary Insanity

THANKS FOR ALL YOUR REVIEWS!!! lol i was literally jumping for joy when i got them all :) . Thanks so much for your patience...It kinda took me a little bit longer than I expected to write this chapter, I had it done on sunday but I wasn't happy with the way it turned out, so i rewrote the whole thing over :P, anywayz here's the new and improved chapter 5!!! lol i hope you enjoy... KEEP REVIEWING!!!!! hopefully i'll have the next chapter up by this weekend...maybe sooner?? oh, and i'm also planning on adding some of the song lyrics to go with the chapters sooner or later, so be on the lookout for that :)...thnx again!!!

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-

Ron sighed as he lay awake in his bed, staring up at the ceiling...he couldn't sleep again...He quietly got up, sneaked over to Harry's trunk, and grabbed his invisibility cloak, deciding that he could use a walk...

----------------

Hermione sat bolt upright in her chair, the minute she felt herself begin to fall asleep...She glanced down tiredly at her half written Ancient Runes essay and yawned, there was no way she was going to finish it at the rate she was going...She looked up tiredly at the clock, it was well past midnight, She didn't like the idea of going to bed...knowing full well that her nightmares would only wake her up the minute she shut her eyes...

Grabbing her coat, she left her room and made her way out into the corridors, deciding that she might as well patrol them and fufill her Head Girl duties while she was awake.

-------------------

Ron made sure no one was around before pulling off the invisibility cloak and placing it carefully into his jacket pocket as he made his way up the last steps to the Astronomy Tower.

..._It really is beautiful up here..._he thought, as he stared out into the twinkling night sky, and breathed in the cold night air, suddenly remembering a moment he had shared with Hermione at the Yule Ball...

_Stop it..._Ron cursed to himself, he was so tired of thinking about Hermione...It made him sick, realizing how she still had such a hold on him...

Tears blurred his vision as he continued to stare up at the sky..._how could she..._he muttered to himself as he wiped his eyes, grateful that no one was around to see him like this...he would hate the idea of someone seeing him cry...over a girl none the less...

He nodded his head resolutely...wiping his last tears...he wasn't going to let the thought of Hermione ruin him...

Ron heard the door creak open, and immediately turned around in fear...

-----------

"I'm sorry!" Hermione gasped when she caught sight of Ron,

"I...I didn't know anyone was up here..." she stuttered honestly

"What are you doing here?!?" Ron yelled in anger..._How long was she by the door...did she see me crying???..._he panicked to himself.

"I'm...sorry...I should probably go..." Hermione muttered as she placed her hand on the door knob,

"You still haven't answered my question..." Ron said through gritted teeth, "why are you here..."

"oh..." Hermione said quietly, she glanced at the door for a moment, longing to leave the awkwardness, but she decided against it and turned to Ron, "I was just...doing my rounds...Head Girl duties and stuff..." she lied stupidly..

"Rounds...at the top of the Astronomy Tower..." Ron stated skeptically..

"Yeah...I...I come here alot...to think," she said softly, "It's quieter up here..." she added with an attempt at a small smile...

_She looks so cute when she smiles like that..._Ron thought fondly to himself...

_SNAP OUT OF IT!!!!..._yelled the voice in Ron's head...

Ron quickly jerked back to reality, as he heard Hermione talking, "...I'm sorry I barged in on you like that...I didn't know anyone was here...honestly..."

Ron quickly felt his anger bubble up again as soon as he remembered that Hermione was the whole reason why he wasn't sleeping comfortably in his bed in the first place...

" Yeah, well...you should try knocking next time!" he spat bitterly...

"I'll keep that in mind..." she said apologetically, as she was slightly taken aback by his sudden temper...

His temper against her only continued to grow..._How dare she walk in on him like that...It was her fault he was being so damn emotional..._Ron stared angrily at Hermione as she made her way to the door...he wanted to yell at her...to shout out every emotion in him and tell her it was her fault he barely slept anymore...

but what happened next...that was the last thing he expected to do...

Ron stopped Hermione from leaving, he grabbed her hand...and before any of them knew what was going on...they were engaged in a passionate kiss...Her soft lips against his...his hands gently caressing her face...

-----

_Ohmygod..Ohmygod...this can't be happening!!!... _Hermione screamed inside her head..._What the hell is going on?!?..._Ron was kissing her...and she was enjoying it...

_What do I do??? What do I do??_ panicked a voice in her head...

_Kiss him back, you idiot!!..._her heart yelled bluntly...and she did...letting all her inhibitions go, she kissed him with the same amount of passion he was kissing her...The heavy weight she had over her heart lifted considerably...she felt as though she could fly... she ignored all the thoughts in the back of her mind that were telling her this was wrong...

But before she knew it, it had ended as quickly as it began...she had come back to reality, crashing down to earth...

Ron had stopped kissing her, and was looking at her as if she had just slapped him across the face..."What are we doing??..." he stated heavily.

Hermione stared at him, utterly bewildered...she was just about to ask him the same thing...After all, it was HIM that kissed her first, she thought to herself indignantly.

"We can't do this...This was a mistake..." he said as he shook his head slightly.

"A mistake?!?" she said incredulously.

"But I...I thought..." she stuttered...She honestly didn't know what she thought...There were so many thoughts and emotions racing through her mind, she felt as if her head was going to explode.

"I have to go..." Ron stated quickly as he stormed out the door, leaving Hermione utterly confused...

---------

Hermione walked back to her room in a daze...She sat down in front of her dresser mirror, Touching her lips, disbelievingly, where Ron had kissed her only moments before...

She stared into her own eyes questioningly...Ron had kissed her...and she had kissed him...right??...almost unsure if what had happened earlier was just a dream...

A few minutes ago she was the happiest girl in the world...but now she felt the complete opposite...Hermione's vision began to blur with tears of frustration...she had never felt so confused in her life...

_He still cares about me...he has to...I mean...That's why he kissed me, right??..._she whispered to herself hopefully. Hermione bit her lip, She wanted to believe that Ron still loved her...She really did...But a part inside of her convinced her otherwise...

Ron's last words echoed through her head over and over, '_This was a mistake'..._

"Why me!!!" she cried in frustration, she was so angry over getting her hopes up, only to have them brought back down...Hermione wiped the tears angrily away from her eyes...

..._How could you be so stupid Hermione..._She scolded herself,..._He'll never love you again...not after what you did to him...no one will ever love you again..._

Hermione began to sob all over again as she lay curled up in her bed...

"Why did you have to kiss me..." she whispered sadly...

* * *

_What just happened?  
Did you kiss me?  
Cause that's a place we've never been until now _

And I don't know how it's gonna be after this  
Do we pretend these feelings don't exist at all  
Or do we fall?

My confusion shows whenever you get so close  
I stumble, I stutter, forget what to say  
I'm nervous, I wonder why I'm acting this way

It's temporary insanity  
What's going on with you and me?  
Is it real or is it fantasy?  
Forever or just temporary?

You made a move, and then changed your mind  
Too much to lose, you've crossed the line between friends  
And something more...

Was it all a big mistake?  
And if it was, it's much too late to undo...  
And I don't really want to,

Let you go but I still don't know  
How I feel about you  
What this really means  
It's crazy to want you  
Is it meant to be?

_-alexz johnson_


	6. no one really wins

THANKS FOR ALL THE REVIEWS!!! here's chapter 6!!, lol i hated writing this chapter...it's soo evil :(... so please forgive me in advance, i know they're OOC, but it had to be done, trust me...KEEP REVIEWING!!! i'll try to get the next chapter up asap :)

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Ron jolted awake, "WuzzGoingon???" he muttered sleepily, as he sat up in his bed, rubbing his eyes and wondering what it was that had woken him up so suddenly...

Dean tried his best to hold in his laughter, "Nothing..."

Ron eyed Dean suspiciously...

"Did you sleep well??" he tried to ask Ron casually...

"Uh, yeah...I suppose so.." answered Ron, in confusion.

Dean doubled over into a fit of giggles, unable able to hold it in any longer...

"What the hell is so damn funny?!?!" yelled Ron as he became increasingly annoyed.

"Did you...er...have any good dreams??" asked Seamus, who was also on the brink of choking with laughter...

Ron's face fell...as soon as he remembered what he'd been dreaming about,..._he had dreamed about what happened up at the Astronomy Tower...and his kiss with Hermione..._

"I don't know what you're talking ab..." he tried to lie quickly, but Seamus interrupted him,

"Oh Hermione!...kiss me again!!!..." he exclaimed in a voice that sounded a lot like Ron's, before making a puckering noise...

"What?!?" Ron said defensively, "I never said that..."

"Nice try Ron, but you were practically yelling it in your sleep" laughed Dean.

"I did not..." he said childishly before turning to Harry for confirmation, "Did I?"

" 'fraid so, mate..." replied Harry, who was also trying not to giggle, "OWW..." he exclaimed as Ron threw a pillow at his head,

"Whatever...it was just a stupid dream anyway..." muttered Ron.

"Well duhh..." chuckled Seamus

"What's that suppose to mean?!?" yelled Ron defensively, as he threw another pillow that barely missed Seamus' face.

"No offense Ron...but I'm just saying,... Hermione probably wouldn't kiss you if you were the last guy on earth and her life depended on it..." he stated plainly

"OUCH... way to put it nicely Seamus" laughed Dean.

"I'm just saying..." shrugged Seamus

"Yeah...well..." sputtered Ron, "That's a load of dung...I could practically have Hermione eating out of the palm of my hand if I wanted to..." he said proudly as he swelled up his chest.

Harry, Dean and Seamus broke into an uproar of laughter...

"What?!?...It's not funny!!...I really could..." Ron argued angrily.

"Stop it...I...c.can't...b..breath.." laughed Dean as he clutched the stitch in his side from all his laughing...

Ron scowled, _If only they knew what happened up at the Astronomy Tower...They wouldn't be laughing, now would they???..._

The three had really struck a nerve with Ron..._Who do they think they are anyway??!??_...He thought angrily_...I could have whoever I bloody well please...Afterall...If i don't recall correctly...It was Hermione who was snogging me up at the Astronomy Tower..._

"I'll show them..." he muttered to himself angrily..."and I'll show her...barging in on me like that...screwing with Malfoy..."

..."_I'll show them all..."_ he continued to mumble...

"I bet you I could get her to do more than just kiss me..." Ron roared over all their laughter...

The three fell silent...

Seamus' ears perked up...he never turned down a bet..."What did you say???" he asked, to make sure he heard Ron right.

"You heard me..." Ron said casually, "I said **'I bet I could do more than get Hermione to kiss me'** ".

"Come off it Ron..." laughed Harry, "I'd be surprised if you could even get her to talk to you."

"You wanna bet??" said Ron challengingly, as a fire began burning within his eyes...

"Just what exactly are we betting on?!?" Dean asked with confusion, as he finally got up from the floor...

Ron paused for dramatic effect...

"I bet you I could get Hermione to fall in love with me...not only that..." he said pausing again, "I bet you I could get her to sleep with me..." Ron's eyes were now alight with excitement..._He was going to prove them all wrong...they'll see..._

Harry knew that look all to well...he saw it whenever Ron did something stupid without at least thinking about it first...Like that time Ron tried to turn Malfoy into a slug with his broken wand...only to have his spell backfire..._Ron was coughing up slugs all week_...Harry recalled reminiscently...

"Ron...come on, You're being stupid..." Harry said

"What?..You afraid of losing??" Ron asked daringly.

It wasn't that...Harry was pretty sure Ron would lose this ridiculous bet...but he felt Ron was just going a little too far...I mean sure they both didn't care about Hermione anymore, not after what she did...But this was kinda pushing it..._But think about what Hermione did to him...She slept with Malfoy for god's sake!!...even when she knew how much you and Ron hated him..._whispered a voice in Harry's head..._"True..."_ Harry muttered in agreement to himself...

"Alright, fine...I'm in..." Harry said finally, "...but if she ever finds out...'I had nothing to do with it' " He added warningly.

"Oh yeah, like I'm going to tell her.." Ron said sarcastically.

"Excellent..." said Seamus as he rubbed his hands together, "I'm in too."

All three looked over at Dean,

"Count me in" he shrugged.

"So it's settled..." Seamus said excitingly, "...if you win, you get 15 galleons...5 from each of us..."

"If you lose, you get to admit to us how much of a git you really are..." Seamus chuckled.

"Fine, deal..." Ron said as they all shook hands...

-------------

The four of them soon made their way out the portrait hole, and were all heading off to class...

Ron caught sight of Hermione at the bottom of the staircase. She had just stooped down to pick up the books she had accidentally dropped.

"Watch and learn gentlemen..." he said slyly to them before making his way down towards Hermione.

"Here you go..." he said cheerfully as he handed Hermione her book.

"...Thanks" she said as she gathered the rest of her things, "I can be a little clumsy some..." Hermione didn't finish her sentence as she stood up and saw Ron...

"Ronald...Uh..." Hermione stuttered as she tried to figure out what to say to him...

"Listen Hermione..." Ron said smoothly, "about last night..." , but before he could finish his sentence, Hermione seemed to jerk back to reality,

"I have to go..." she interrupted shortly, and with that she dashed off...Leaving Ron standing alone, his mouth still agape in mid-sentence.

Ron looked up the staircase and scowled as he saw Harry, Dean and Seamus roaring with laughter...

"Winning this bet is going to be a lot harder than I thought..." he muttered quietly...

* * *

_Go if you want  
Make your way straight to the door  
I hope that you look back before you go  
Cause grace always looks back before it starts to leave... _

It's a fight between my heart and mind  
No one really wins this time  
No one really wins this time

_In the endless fight of grace and pride  
I don't want to win this time  
I don't want to win this time..._

_-copeland_


	7. don't you dare

THANKS FOR YOUR REVIEWS!!!...here's chapter 7, i wanted to get it out to you guys as soon as possible, before i left for the weekend, so i hope you enjoy, it's still kinda a rough draft so i'll fix everything tonight if there's any errors...keep reviewing!!, i'll try to get the next chapter up soon.

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Hermione didn't know what it was exactly that was going on...Why had Ron started acting so nice to her all of a sudden???...

She sighed as she looked at her reflection in the mirror, the last few weeks had left her sleepless, now that she constantly had Ron on her mind..._What is going on????_ she questioned herself again sadly, For the first time in a long time, Ron was acting civilized towards her; waving at her whenever she passed by, offering to walk her to class..._something's not right..._she thought carefully,..._Ron hates me...he would never act nice to me..._

_"...Maybe he's finally forgiven you...Afterall, he did kiss you...he probably still has feelings for you" _suggested a voice in Hermione's head.

Hermione scoffed at the mere thought of it, "_Ron...having feelings for me...yeah right..."_

_"Stop being so pessimistic, if he hated you he wouldn't have kissed you..." _

Hermione's hopes rose up, Maybe Ron really did have feelings for her...

'_No...stop it...' _she whispered to herself as soon as she realized what she was doing, she was getting her hopes up again, just like she did when Ron kissed her...

"I'm not going to fall for it this time..." she said firmly, Hermione ran her fingers through her hair in frustration, she didn't know what to believe anymore...all she knew was that she was even more confused than that night up at the Astronomy Tower...

"I have to get out of here..." she said finally, as she left her room, feeling as though she would suffocate in all her emotion and confusion if she didn't...Hermione nodded her head resolutely, deciding that she would go on the Hogsmeade trip today, she had to get away from Hogwarts and clear her head anyway...

------------

Harry, Dean, Seamus and Ron were all making their way towards Honeydukes before spotting Hermione leaving Scrivenshafts

"There's your girl..." Seamus said as he nudged Ron in the ribs.

Ron watched her as she made her way alone towards the Shrieking Shack. Ron, realizing how big of an opportunity this could be, decided to go after her.

" I'll catch you three later..." he said to them quickly as he went to follow her.

Harry shook his head slightly, "He really doesn't know what he's getting himself into, does he?"

"Ron never knows what he's getting himself into.." laughed Dean.

---------

Hermione stared off into the distance, she drew the collar of her jacket closer to her as she felt a chilly breeze blow past her, completely lost in thought...

"You know, they say the Shrieking Shack is haunted..." Ron whispered.

"ARGHHHhhhh!!!" Hermione yelled before jumping about a mile away from where she once stood...

Hermione's eyes narrowed as soon as she spotted Ron, who was grinning from ear to ear... "Dammit Ronald...You scared the crap out of me!"...

"Sorry, I didn't mean to..." Ron said apologetically as he tried to hold in his laughter...

"It's not funny...you could've given me a heart attack" she tried to say seriously.

"You have to admit..." he said as he started to chuckle, "It was a little funny..."

"oh, ha ha..." she said bitterly. Hermione bit her lip as she tried not to smile, but she couldn't help it...laughing with Ron felt like old times...

"Ronald..." she said seriously as she looked him straight in the eye,

Ron's eyes grew slightly wide with fear..._He was in trouble now..._His worry continued to grow as Hermione's eyes shifted away from his own eyes..._That's not a good sign..._Ron panicked.

"What is it???" he asked, no longer able to stand the tension...

Hermione stared down at Ron's sleeve distractedly before she pointed, "... there's a spider on your coat..." she said casually...

Ron didn't hear what she said the first time around, he was to busy wondering if she was going to yell at him or not...

"What??" he said in confusion..._"Spider???"..._he thought carefully...and then it hit him...

."SPIDER!!!" Ron yelled as he flung his arms around wildy,

"Gerrofff!!...Gerrofff me!!" he yelled in a muffled voice as he took of his jacket in a frenzy and threw it on the ground, ..."Where is it?!?! Where is it??!?!" he yelled, before stomping on his jacket multiple times.

Ron looked over at Hermione who was literally keeled over and clutching her side with laughter,

"That's not funny!...you know how much I can't stand spiders..." Ron said through gritted teeth,

"You have to admit..." Hermione laughed, "It was a little funny"

Ron looked almost murderously at Hermione, "...Funny..." he mumbled, "I'll show you funny..."

He made his way for Hermione,

Hermione's eyes widened, _Oh my god...He's going to attack me!..._

Before she knew it, Ron and Hermione were tumbling all over the ground,

"CUT IT OUT!!!" Hermione shrieked, "Ronald, I mean it!!!! I hate being tickled!!!"

Ronald laughed as he continued to tickle her side, "That's what you get!" he chuckled.

"Fine!!! I SURRENDER...I SURRENDER!!!" she managed to choke out through all her laughter...

"Yes!" Ron grinned triumphantly.

Their laughter subsided as they both stared into each others eyes for what seemed like an eternity...

It felt as though Ron were seeing her for the first time in ages. And for the first time, Ron noticed how tired Hermione looked, Her eyes still had that fire in them...the fire he saw whenever she knew the answer to a question, the one he used to see before he kissed her...but now there was something about it that wasn't the same...It was dimmer...more resigned...

"Um...Ron..." Hermione said shyly, as soon as she noticed that they were in a very compromising position...

"Hmm?...Oh!, sorry..." Ron said sheepishly as he got off of her, "I didn't mean to...I"

"It's ok..." Hermione said quickly..."We should probably get back to the castle..."

"Yeah..." Ron nodded in agreement, " It's getting pretty late..." he said as he saw the sun just barely beginning to set.

"Is it alright if I walk back with you??" he asked

"Yeah...of course" Hermione said, trying to act casual...

_Stop getting your hopes up..._She scolded herself, But the truth was, it was already too late...

Hermione looked over to Ron who smiled shyly back at her, There was no use in denying it...she just knew Ron was happy too..._As long as he doesn't go changing his mind again..._she thought worriedly...but deep down, her heart was soaring...she couldn't help it...no matter how hard she tried to...she was happy...

* * *

_Dark clouds moving in  
Just one following  
Would wash away, wash away, the pain. _

I could say that I don't care  
But the truth is I'd follow you anywhere  
I've been waiting such a long, long time  
Don't you dare change, your mind

Seems so close to me  
But still beyond my reach  
Calling me and playing hide and seek

Look behind that door  
I'm the one you've been searching for  
And I'm not a little girl anymore

_I could say that I don't care  
But the truth is I'd follow you anywhere  
I've been waiting such a long, long time  
Don't you dare change, your mind.  
_

_-alexz johnson_


	8. all at once

Thanks for all the reviews!! Here's chapter 8, sorry it took so long to put up, i decided to split what i wrote into 2 chapters, so chapter 9 should be up really soon, KEEP REVIEWING!!!...I hope you enjoy :)

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Hermione drew in a deep breath as she glanced at herself in the mirror, tucking away a stray curl of hair behind her ear.

These past few weeks had flown by in a whirlwind for her, everything just seemed to go right, now that her and Ron were talking again...

_We're just friends..._she muttered warningly to herself as she carefully placed his present into a small, engraved wooden box.

Today was Ron's birthday, and she wanted the rest of his evening to be perfect,_ "Maybe the present's too much..." _she thought worriedly as she looked down at the wooden box, she didn't want to scare him off...but she wanted him to know how much she meant to him, and how much he had made her happy, especially in these past few weeks...

She gave one last nervous smile to her reflection before heading off to meet him in the corridor.

----

"Hey Hermione, sorry i'm late..." Ron said as he made his way towards her.

"It's ok, " Hermione smiled as she gave him a hug.

"I just...I wanted to give you this..." she said shyly as she reached into her pocket, "..umm...happy birthday..."

Ron held the wooden box in his hand, "Hermione...you didn't have to get me anything..." he said as he began to blush while reading the words engraved on the box: _"Happy Birthday Ron!"._

"Don't be silly, " she laughed nervously, "..You don't have to open it now..." she added, but by the time she said it, he had already begun to open the box,

Hermione stared nervously down at the floor, too scared to see what Ron thought about her gift...

"...Hermione..." Ron gasped, as he gently took out a golden, walnut sized object with wings.

Hermione finally looked up, "It's ok if you don't like it..." she said quickly, "I could find something else...I'm sorry I didn't get you anything more it's just...I didn't know what to get...and..." she began to stutter quickly.

"Hermione..this is...wow..." he said at a lost for words as he continued to stare at the snitch...Which was covered in black handwriting, Each name registered in Ron's mind immediately, they were members of the Chudley Cannons, and every single team member had signed the snitch that Ron was now holding in his hand. "_To Ron, Best wishes -the Chudley Cannons..._read a small caption of silver lettering in the middle of the snitch...

"So you like it??" Hermione asked anxiously as she tried to decipher Ron's facial expression...

"Like it?.." he said incredulously, "Hermione...this is amazing..."

Hermione beamed at him, finally feeling relieved that he liked her present.

"Are you doing anything tonight?" Ron asked suddenly,

"Me?..um...i don't think I am...why?" she replied, slightly caught off guard

"Well it's just...a couple of the guys are throwing a birthday thing for me in the common room, and I was wondering if you would like to go..." he said shyly

"...I don't think I can...I have a lot to do..." she tried to lie,

"Come on, " Ron insisted, "It'll be like old times" he said while giving Hermione a hopeful smile.

_what's one party going to hurt?...Besides, it's his brithday..._Hermione convinced herself,

"Well...ok..." she said quietly.

"Great!" Ron grinned, as he and Hermione made their way towards the Gryffindor portrait hole,

Hermione immediately regretted her decision as they entered,

"Ron..." she whispered quietly, as she felt all of Gryffindor's stares, "...I don't think...maybe this wasn't such a good idea..." she said as she turned around, preparing to leave.

"Don't be silly..." Ron said, "it's ok..." he whispered while squeezing her hand reassuringly

Hermione hesitatingly followed Ron...feeling slightly braver than she did before,

Hermione took in a sharp intake of breath as she caught sight of Ginny storming towards them, "Ronald, really...I'm gonna go.." she said quietly as she quickly made to leave again.

"What is she doing here?!" Ginny snapped at Ron.

"She's with me," He said calmly.

"Really...it's ok, I was just about to leave..." she said nervously as she glanced at the two siblings glaring at each other.

"Hey, i know you!" interrupted a voice addressed towards Hermione,

The siblings stopped glaring at each other and turned to look,

"Um..." Hermione said in confusion, she had seen this girl before, but couldn't quite remember her name.

"You're Hermione Granger, right?". she asked knowingly, before the girl turned around to make sure everyone was watching.

"Um, yes...I am..."

"I'm Romilda...Romilda Vane.." she said as she held out her hand, biting her lip to prevent herself from laughing.

"Nice to meet you..." Hermione said as she made to shake her hand.

The crowd in the common room immediately fell silent as soon as Romilda suddenly drew her hand away,

"Oh, wait...I almost forgot..." she said sarcastically, "I'm supposed to give you something...", Romilda smiled as she gave a quick glance to her friends in the corner who were giggling uncontrollably.

Hermione honestly didn't want to deal with whatever the hell it was Romilda was trying to pull, "Ronald, " she said firmly "I'm gonna go..."

But before Hermione had a chance to turn around, Romilda slapped her across the face, "That's for being a traitor, and even thinking you were welcome here, " Romilda sneered

"And this..." she said as she raised her goblet of pumpkin juice, "This is for being a damn Slytherin Slut.." Hermione gasped as she felt the cold pumpkin juice spill all over her,

The whole event occured so quickly that for a second she didn't know what had just happened. She immediately snapped out of it as soon as she heard the uproar of laughter coming from the Gryffindors,

Hermione felt her eyes grow hot with tears, her face was burning red with embarassment, she quickly turned on her heel and rushed out of the common room.

"Oi!!, what the hell was that about?!?" Ron yelled at Romilda,

Romilda just shot him a careless look and shrugged.

"Hermione, wait!" Ron yelled as he ran after her.

Ron rushed out of the portrait hole, and into the corridor, "Hermione!" he called out as he looked to his right and left, trying to figure out which way she went...

----

Hermione entered the nearest empty classroom, her eyes soon adjusting to the darkness, she leaned against the wall, breathing heavily before slipping to the cold marble floor in defeat.

"How could I have been so stupid..." she muttered as she wiped the tears furiously away from her eyes.

_I should have never gone in there...what was I thinking?..._

Hermione sighed, angry at herself for getting her hopes up like that again...thinking things could just go back to the way they use to be..._things can never go back to the way they use to be..._she realized sadly.

"Hermione...are you in there?..." Ron asked quietly as he creaked the door open.

"...Ronald, please, just go away..." she whispered sadly.

"...Look, I'm sorry about what happened earlier..." Ronald said sincerely,

Hermione immediately felt a pang of guilt for making him leave his birthday party, "It's ok...It's not you're fault...It's just...I really need to be alone right now..." she said sadly.

Ron drew a deep breath, deciding that he wasn't going to leave Hermione here...not like this...He cared about her too much..._Wait...WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY ?!?...yelled_ a voice in Ron's head...

* * *

_There are certain people you just keep coming back to.  
She is right in front of you.  
You begin to wonder 'could you find a better one compared to her' _

_now she's in question. _

And all at once the crowd begins to sing  
"Sometimes the hardest thing and  
The right thing are the same."  
Maybe you want her, maybe you need her,  
Maybe you started to compare to someone not there.

Looking for the right one you line up the world  
To find where no questions cross your mind.  
But she won't keep on waiting for you  
Without a doubt.  
Much longer for you to sort it out.

And all at once the crowd begins to sing.  
"Sometimes,  
We'd never know what's wrong without the pain  
Sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing  
Are the same."

-the fray


	9. stars and boulevards

THANKS for all your reviews!!!, lol they're what motivated me to put up this chapter tonight :) ...anyways, i know you guys must be tired of Ron still sticking to the bet...believe me i would be too...but sometimes, our anger can consume us in such a way, that it'll make us do far-fetched things to gain revenge...afterall i named this story crash and burn for a reason lol...all will be revealed...trust me :)... ...and i think i might be changing this story to M sooner or later...to be on the safe side, don't worry, i'll put up an author's note when I decide to change it to M...but yeah, i'll try to get the next chapter up asap...KEEP REVIEWING!!!! oh, and i recommend playing the song when reading this chapter OR ACTUALLY read the chapter first, then play the song and read it again...i don't know why but when I read it with the song, it got me all emotional lol maybe it's just me...P...anyways here's chapter 9... 

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_--------_

_---_

_Of course I don't care about her.._..._I'm just...checking on her...I mean, if I leave her now...it'll screw up my whole plan..._He tried to convince himself. He nodded his head resolutely as he made his way into the classroom.

"Are you alright??" He asked as he sat next to her on the floor.

"Yeah...I'm fine...just embarassed, that's all..."

"...Don't listen to Romilda...she's nothing but a prat anyway,..." Ron said in an attempt to cheer her up, placing a reassuring hand on her shoulder...

"Yeah, well..." Hermione said while wiping her eyes, "..that prat had a point..."

"Come on, Hermione...you know that's not true..." Ron said soothingly, as he gently wiped the stray tears away from her cheek...

Hermione gave a small smile, she couldn't help but feel a lot happier now that Ron was with her, All her hurt seemed to just melt away whenever he was near...her stomach was doing somersaults as she looked into his eyes...her face now only mere inches away from Ron's...

Ron leaned closer towards her, their lips barely brushing...

"Ron...I can't..." she said suddenly as she stood up and backed away from him, her eyes shiny with tears...

"I can't do this..." she whispered, while continuing to back away, she looked at him as if he were some monster...

Ron stared at her with concern, he had never seen her look so scared in her life, and for the first time he felt an immediate surge of guilt as he continued to stare into Hermione's fearful eyes...

"Can't do what, Hermione?" he asked with worry..

"This...us..." she said more firmly, " I can't be with you..."

"...Why not?" he asked in utter confusion.

"I don't deserve to have someone like you..." she said tearfully.

"Hermione, Come on...don't be ridiculous.." he said with a small smile as he held her hand, slightly relieved that it wasn't something more serious that was bothering her.

"No..." Hermione argued, jerking her hand away, "You don't get it Ron! I don't belong anymore...haven't you seen the way people look at me?!?...what they call me!.." she said angrily...

"None of it's true Hermione, they call you all these things because they don't understand you..." Ron tried to convince her, "People don't see you the way I do..."

"...and what exactly do you see in me?" she asked sadly, finally mustering up the courage to look him straight in the eyes...

Ron walked closer to her, it was like seeing Hermione for the first time all over again,

"...I see everything," he whispered truthfully as he gently took her hands in his, "Your pain, your fears, your hopes...I see it, Hermione, all of it..."

"...We belong together, Hermione...we always have..." he said sincerely.

"Ronald...I can't..." she said tearfully, as she tried to pull away from him...she couldn't do this...she was in love with Ron, and she knew it...she no longer denied that to herself...but she was scared of getting hurt...Hermione honestly didn't know if love was worth the fall anymore...

"Hermione, " Ron said softly, as he gently caressed her face,

Hermione looked into his eyes, _Don't fall for it Hermione_...whispered a voice in her head..._You'll only end up getting hurt_...

She bit her lip, lost in her thoughts, _I can't do this...I can't let myself get hurt...but I don't want to be alone...I'm so tired of being alone..._

Tears now fell freely from her eyes again, she was so torn between what her heart and mind were telling her to do...

_...she couldn't stand the thought of getting hurt again, but she couldn't stand being alone much longer either..._

Nothing made sense to Hermione anymore, all she wanted to do was crawl up to her room and cry...

"Hermione..." Ron said softly, almost reading her mind, "I promise, I'll never let anyone hurt you...ever again...I'll protect you...no matter what..."

Those were the words she had been longing to hear...

Ron's promise had finally broke through the wall Hermione had tried so hard to build around herself...She had finally fallen, but she didn't care anymore, she wasn't scared of getting hurt, by the look in Ron's eyes she knew that he would protect her...Their lips, barely brushed, but this time...Hermione didn't pull away, instead, she kissed him back with as much passion as she could muster..Tears began to trickle down her eyes all over again, but now, it was because she was happy...she was falling in love...something she once thought she would never be able to do again...

------------------------

Ron lay awake in his bed later that night, he had never seen Hermione so vulnerable and insecure like that, and no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't keep denying the fact that he still cared for her...

Ron sighed..._Maybe I should call the bet off..._He thought pensively,

_Don't you see what she's doing to you?!?! _yelled the voice in Ron's head, _She's got you wrapped around her little finger...she's making you feel sorry for her..._

_Ron... _The voice in his head said firmly, _...she's only going to hurt you in the end..._

Ron's eyes began to blur with tears...The truth was, Ron was falling in love with Hermione all over again...he was falling hard...and it scared him to death, to simultaneously love and hate someone so much...

He no longer knew what he felt...All those things he had said to Hermione earlier...the kiss...He no longer knew if it was real, or if it was all a part of his plan to win the bet...It seemed as though Ron's world was now a complete and utter mess,

_I can't let her do this to me...I won't let her keep ruining my life...not after what she's done..._He thought, while angrily wiping the tears away from his eyes...Hermione had truly hurt Ron...and he wasn't going to let her do it again...

All the animosity Ron had towards Hermione seemed to consume him, the little part of his heart telling him to forgive her was now silenced by the poison of revenge...Ron finally fell asleep, satisfied with the fact that he was going to hurt Hermione...the same way she so brutally hurt him...

---------------

Hermione lay in her bed, slowly drifting off to sleep...she was no longer afraid of the darkness that use to consume her dreams...she no longer felt alone...Ron had proved to her that love was truly worth the fall...

...and for the first time in a while, she looked forward to the day ahead of her...Now that she had Ron by her side, she felt as though she could face anything that came her way...

* * *

_Wait dear, a white horse is walking down my street here,  
Your words are creeping at my feet  
I fear, sunrise will come too soon and you'll disappear  
Into the haze of this city and go south... _

Look out, they're coming after us with big guns,  
They're only gonna tell you all the bad things I've done  
Even if the words they say aren't true...they've won,  
Now I'm left here dying in the sun

Oh...seems like I'm always on my own,  
Seems like I'm never coming home  
Seems like I'm always on my own...  
All the stars and boulevards aren't close enough for you...

Late nights, won't do me justice  
Cause when I drink...I just get so damn depressed,  
And its not like, I ain't trying to get over you.  
It's just hard to look at all the seasons, pass me over too...

Oh...seems like I'm always on my own,  
Seems like I'm never coming home  
Seems like I'm always on my own...  
All the stars and boulevards ain't close enough for you...

One last phone call from you, it wouldn't hurt much,  
Just like to hear your voice and pretend to touch,  
Any inch of you that hasn't said it all or read it all or sung  
My life away...

_-augustana_


	10. it ends tonight

THNX for all your reviews!!!...and special thanks to eckles for reviewing my trailer as well :)...anyways, Here's chapter 10, sorry it took so long, i had a little trouble writing this chapter, hopefully chapter 11 will be put up by either tonight or tomorrow...keep reviewing:)

oh and just a heads up: as soon as i put up the next chapter, the story will be changed to M

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Hermione kissed Ron lightly on the cheek, "Don't worry you'll be fine...

"and Good luck" she whispered in his ear before he got up to leave for the Quidditch field with Harry.

"Thanks, Mione.." he smiled sheepishly as he kissed her back.

Hermione sighed happily as she watched Ron leave, these past two months were literally unbelievable for her...She never knew she could feel so happy...Everything just seemed to be going right now that her and Ron were a couple...Even Harry and Ginny were starting to be nice to her, and even though they weren't the best of friends like before, at least they were acting civilized towards her...

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Hermione cheered along with the rest of the Gryffindors as Ron made another spectacular save, the score was now 70 to 20 and Gryffindor was in the lead against Slytherin. Ron was on fire, diving and swerving as he prevented each quaffle that was pelted his way from getting in.

Hermione watched Ron intently as he made yet another save, she honestly couldn't take her eyes off him...She giggled slightly, thinking she must be looking pretty ridiculous right now for ogling over Ron...

She immediately snapped out of it as she heard a loud uproar behind her...

She quickly whipped her head around to see what all the commotion was about...

"We've won!!!He caught the snitch!!" yelled the crowd.

Hermione broke into a wide grin as she saw Harry raising his arms in the air triumphantly, one hand tightly clutching the struggling snitch. The rest of his teammates rushed to the bottom of the pitch, hoisting Harry up on their shoulders as Madam Hooch handed him the trophy. He raised it high above his head, and the crowd broke into an even louder uproar...

They did it...They had won the Quidditch Cup...It was a bittersweet moment...this was their last year at Hogwarts, and they'd never be able to feel like this again...But deep down they all knew that there was no better way to end their Quidditch career at than the way they did today...Ron yelled in triumph, nothing could stop the feeling he had inside him, his heart was soaring his face hurt from smiling so much, he felt unconquerable...

--

Malfoy stared at them looking mutinous, angry at the fact that the snitch had been caught literally right under his nose...again... _by that stupid Potter Boy_...

"Stupid idiots" he muttered, while he intentionally bumped harshly into Ron as he made his way past them...

"Hey Malfoy!" Ron yelled cheerfully.

Malfoy whipped around, "What?!? Weasel.." he spat.

Ron laughed, right now nothing could bring him down, not even Malfoy's stupid name-calling, "You should try opening your eyes the next time you play Quidditch!" he chuckled.

Malfoy looked about ready to kill him...

but he suddenly broke into a sneer... as he casually began walking towards Ron...

Ron slightly confused, straightened up, prepared to fight Malfoy if he had to.

----

Hermione looked amongst the crowd before finally spotting Ron...

Her face fell as soon as she saw Malfoy walking towards Ron..._Oh no..._she whispered...This was bad...This was really bad, Malfoy was probably up to no good...she had to get to Ron...before Malfoy did...She tried to push her way through the crowd, but it was no use...she wouldn't get there in time..."Ron!" she yelled, trying to get his attention, but her yells were drowned out by the ever-growing noise of the crowd...

-----

Malfoy leaned in closer so that only Ron could hear him...

"You may have scored on the field..." He spat menacingly, "But I still scored with your girl.." he chuckled...

Ron's face burned red hot with anger, his blood boiled beneath his skin, With a look of pure rage he punched Malfoy hard across the face, and heard a faint, satisfying crack...

Blood spurted from Malfoy's nose as he covered it with his hands in pain..." You bastard!!" he yelled in a muffled tone as he made to punch Ron...but Ron tackled him to the floor...He wanted Malfoy to feel nothing but pain...Malfoy managed to give Ron a hard blow to the head...but Ron just continued to pummel Malfoy's face to the ground...

"Stop it!!" Hermione shrieked, the crowd had now gathered in a circle around Ron and Malfoy, But Ron didn't care...he tried to punch Malfoy again, but he immediately felt a pair of arms hook around him as Harry and Seamus pulled him off of Malfoy, Ron struggled against their hold...

Hermione saw Professor McGonagall and Snape making their way through the crowd,

"Ron, Stop!" she pleaded, as she tried to hold him back.

"You stay out of this!!!" he roared at her, Hermione fell silent, taken aback by his tone...

He roughly jerked away from Seamus and Harry's hold...Ron was mad...he was fuming...He gave Hermione an angry look before storming moodily off past her and making his way into the castle...

"What's going on here?" asked Snape sharply, when he caught sight of Draco's bloodied face.

To everyone's surprise, Malfoy was laughing, "Nothing Professor.." he replied, he gave a cruel wink at Hermione, "I just fell, that's all" He sneered...

Hermione stared daggers at him, she now understood why Ron acted the way he did, and truthfully, she couldn't blame him for wanting to hurt Malfoy so badly...

------------------------

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Hermione sat bolt upright as she heard a knock on her door...

"Mione, it's me..." Ron said hesitantly.

Hermione sighed heavily, "Coming..." she muttered as she opened the door to find Ron standing there,

"Hi, " he said quietly, "Can I come in?"

Hermione silently moved out of the way so that Ron could enter. She was still angry at the way he had yelled at her earlier, and wasn't really up to talking to him at the moment...

"I'm sorry about what happened earlier..." he said quietly.

Hermione raised her eyebrows skeptically...

"Come on, Hermione..." Ron pleaded, "Can you at least talk to me?"

"What exactly do you want me to say Ronald?" she asked tiredly.

Ron sighed, "Hermione look...I'm sorry I yelled at you ok...it's just..." Ron paused, he didn't know why he yelled at her...he was angry and hurt by what Malfoy said...because deep down Ron realized that Malfoy was telling the truth...and it killed him to picture Hermione in bed with that bastard...Ron looked across the room hurt written all over his heart...this was the same room it happened...

A tear slid down his cheek...but not because he was sad...it was because he was angry and confused...he wanted Hermione to feel just as hurt as he was feeling now...but at the same time he wanted nothing more than to be with her...

"Ron..." Hermione said softly, slightly shocked when she saw the tears on his face...she had never seen him cry before...

"It's ok..." she whispered, gently caressing his face. "I'm sorry I got upset at you too..." she said before kissing his forehead,

"Just promise me you won't let it happen again..." she joked with a small smile.

Ron nodded quietly.

"What did he say to you anyway?" she tried to ask casually...

He gave a small smile and shook his head, "It's not important..." he said before kissing her lightly on the cheek, "All that matters is that you're not mad at me anymore" he smiled.

Ron drew a deep breath, resolutely deciding in his mind that he was going to follow through with his plan..._I have to...right?..._questioning himself slightly...He didn't know what to think...deep down he knew he couldn't deny his feelings for Hermione much longer...He honestly couldn't tell if what he was feeling right now was also a part of his plan or not...

He gently tucked away a stray curl of Hermione's hair behind her ear and stared deeply into her eyes...he wanted her...no, he **needed** her, and the fact that he didn't know why scared him to death...He had to do this...he couldn't keep letting the thought of her take over him...

Ron drew a deep breath before gently caressing her face, and kissing her softly on the lips...sending a shockwave of sparks straight to Hermione's heart...

* * *

_Your subtleties  
They strangle me  
I can't explain myself at all.  
And all the wants  
And all the needs  
All I don't want to need at all. _

The walls start breathing  
My mind's unweaving  
Maybe it's best you leave me alone.  
A weight is lifted  
On this evening  
I give the final blow.

A falling star  
Least I fall alone.  
I can't explain what you can't explain.  
You're finding things that you didn't know  
I look at you with such disdain

The walls start breathing  
My mind's unweaving  
Maybe it's best you leave me alone.  
A weight is lifted  
On this evening  
I give the final blow.

When darkness turns to light  
It ends tonight,  
It ends tonight.  
Just a little insight won't make this right  
It's too late to fight  
It ends tonight,  
It ends tonight.

Now I'm on my own side  
It's better than being on your side  
It's my fault when you're blind  
It's better that I see it through your eyes

All these thoughts locked inside  
Now you're the first to know

When darkness turns to light  
It ends tonight,  
It ends tonight.  
Just a little insight won't make this right  
It's too late to fight  
It ends tonight,  
It ends

Tonight  
Insight  
When darkness turns to light,  
It ends tonight.

_-all american rejects_


	11. love

THANKS for all your reviews :), ...i'll get straight to it lol, this chapter contains sexual content, so if that kind of stuff offends you, or if you feel you're not old enough to read mature content, then I suggest you leave...lol like now...oh and also, before you read this chapter, please know that I've never written this kind of stuff before, so please, please forgive me in advance :(, i think i'm kinda terrible when it comes to writing scenes like these...anyways, here's chapter 11, hope you enjoy, and please review, the next chapter should be up soon, hopefully...

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Hermione felt a shockwave jolt straight to her heart the moment Ron's lips pressed against hers.

She kissed him back passionately in return...everything else around them just seemed to melt away, no one had ever made her feel like this...

Ron's hands began to roam, first sliding up her shirt, he gently grazed her back with his finger tips...

Passion and lust overrode every other emotion in Ron's heart. Nothing else mattered, all Ron knew was that he needed Hermione...

One thing led to another as their passion continued to mount, They both were too busy kissing each other to notice Ron's wand, which had now slipped out of his back pocket and rolled under Hermione's bed...

Ron gently lay on top of Hermione on her bed and began unbuttoning her shirt, he caressed her face as they continued to kiss, his hands began to explore all over her body, slowly, Ron's hand began to slide its way up Hermione's inner thigh...

"Ron, wait." Hermione gasped suddenly, as she finally snapped out of it...

Ron immediately pulled his hand away, afraid that he might have hurt her. He looked at Hermione, her eyes shiny with tears.

"What is it?" He asked worriedly, "did I do something wrong?"

"No...no, it's just..." Hermione said shakily, she drew in an unsteady breath,

"I think...I think this is going to fast..." she said nervously.

He stared deeply into Hermione's eyes, realizing that they were full of fear...

_What am I doing...I can't do this..._he thought to himself,

"You're right..." he said finally, as he gave Hermione a regretful look, "...I should go...". Ron made his way to the door...

_What are you doing?!? _yelled the voice in Hermione's head,

_I don't know...I can't...I can't do this..._

_Do you love him? _she asked herself.

_...Of course I do._

_Then what are you waiting for?!?!_

_...I don't know, _she thought to herself honestly,

_Hermione,_ the voice in her head whispered sadly, _If you let him go now, you'll lose him forever...do you really want to be alone again?_

A tear slid down Hermione's cheek, the mere thought of being alone and without Ron again sent a chill down her spine.

_I have to do this..._she thought to herself resolutely..._for us._

"Ron, wait" she called out quietly, Ron stopped, his hand barely about to grab the door knob.

Hermione drew a deep breath as she walked over to him, "Don't go..." she whispered, as she gently held his hand.

"Hermione...it's ok, you don't have to do this" he sighed.

Hermione bit her lip, fighting the inner battle going on between her heart and mind...she had to choose, between what she **thought** was right, and what she **felt** was right...

"I want to.." she said earnestly, before placing a hand gently on Ron's cheek and kissing him softly.

Hermione led Ron across the room, and sat down at the foot of her bed...

"Hermione.." Ron said suddenly... "Are you...Are you sure about this?" he asked hesitantly.

Hermione drew a deep breath and looked deeply into his eyes, "I've never been more sure about anything in my whole life" she said quietly with a small smile...

That was all Ron needed to hear, and before they knew it, they had picked up where they left off, their stifling clothes were now shed, and their passion was rising, Ron paused to admire Hermione, her body bathed in moonlight had an almost glowing affect, the sight of her literally took Ron's breath away.

"You're beautiful.." Ron whispered in her ear as he trailed kisses along her collarbone.

She blushed and stifled a moan as Ron kissed a sensitive spot around her neck.

He looked up into her eyes, waiting for her to give him the go ahead, she stared passionately at him before she nodded,

Hermione bit her lip as she felt him slowly enter her, her heart was racing, she clenched the sheets as he slowly pushed into her further, the pain slowly subsided and she finally cried out in pleasure when he hit a particularly sensitive spot, she began arching her back forward, meeting his hips with each thrust,

"Are you alright?" he whispered unsteadily, as his thrusts became faster and deeper.

Hermione nodded, she was more than alright, she felt...perfect, like nothing could go wrong...She was in love...

Hermione's breathing quickened, "r..Ron..." she moaned, "I think..." she gripped Ron's back before she felt herself tighten around him...

Ron felt Hermione shudder beneath him, He groaned in pleasure and came only a few moments later, panting heavily as he pulled away and collapsed next to her on the bed.

They both lay on their sides, staring endlessly into each others eyes, Their ragged breathing were the only sounds that could be heard, but in this moment, no words were needed...in this moment, they were infinite...

--

"I love you..." Hermione whispered to Ron.

Ron was at a lost for words, "Hermione.." he stammered as he tried to come up with something to say,

"It's ok" Hermione said quickly, she knew how hard it was for Ron to express his emotions, and the whole purpose of her saying it wasn't to have Ron say it back...

"You don't have to say anything," she said truthfully,

"I just...I wanted you to know, " Hermione continued as she held his hand,

"all this time...it's been yours..." she said quietly as she placed his hand over her heart, "This..." she whispered, "it's always been yours.."

Ron gently kissed Hermione on the forehead as she fell alseep in his arms...

_I can't keep doing this to her...she doesn't deserve this..._He thought sadly as he watched Hermione sleeping peacefully..

_Maybe I shoud call the bet off, _he thought silently to himself...he didn't know what to do. But right now, he made up his mind, coming to the conclusion that whatever he decided could wait till tomorrow. Right now all he wanted to do was let the peacefulness of sleep finally wash over him...

------------

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Ron woke up, he kissed Hermione, who was sound asleep, lightly on the forehead, before quietly getting dressed. Earlier that night, he had made up his mind...He was going to call the bet off...He checked the time, _Harry should be eating breakfast right now_.

He gave Hermione one last smile before he tiptoed his way out of her room...

Ron's eyes narrowed as soon as he reached the bottom of the stairs and entered Hermione's common room.

"Well done.." chuckled Malfoy as he clapped slowly.

"Shove off Malfoy.." Ron spat as he made his way to the portrait hole,

"What? can't a guy give his congratulations?" He sneered,

"What are you talking about?" said Ron through gritted teeth,

"Please, like I don't what went on up there last night" Malfoy laughed,

Malfoy leaned in closer,

"She's quite the moaner, isn't she?" he smiled cruelly.

Ron's face contorted in rage, he was going to kill Malfoy,

"Now, now" Malfoy said sarcastically, "don't be stupid, Ronald" he sneered as Crabbe and Goyle stepped out of the shadows and flanked Draco's side.

The side of Ron's jaw twitched in anger, he stormed out of the room as Malfoy laughed cruelly at him.

Ron's anger rose as he stormed down the corridor towards the Great Hall...He felt a sickening feeling in his stomach as he imagined Hermione with Malfoy...moaning for Malfoy...saying ' i love you' to Malfoy...His heart that was only just so recently mended had now turned to ice...he no longer cared for Hermione...not even in the slightest...He pushed open the doors to the Great Hall and spotted Harry, Seamus and Dean

...The bet was still on...and it was time to collect his winnings...

* * *

_Love,  
There's so many things Ive got to tell you  
But Im afraid I dont know how  
Cause theres a possibility  
Youll look at me differently  
Love,  
Ever since the first moment I spoke your name  
From then on I knew that by you being in my life  
Things were destined to change, cause _

Love  
So many people use your name in vain  
Love  
Those have faith in you sometimes go astray  
Love  
Through all the ups and downs the joy and hurt  
Love  
For better or worse I still will choose you first

Many days I've longed for you  
Wanting you  
Hoping for the chance to get to know you  
Longing for your kiss  
For your touch, your feel, your essence

_Many nights Ive cried from the things you do  
Felt like I could die from the thought of losing you  
I know that youre real  
With no doubts and no fears  
And no questions _

At first you didnt mean that much to me  
But now I know that youre all I need  
The world looks so brand new to me  
Now that I found love  
Everyday I live for you  
And everything that I do  
I do it for you  
What I say is how I feel so believe its true  
You got to know Im true...

-musiq soulchild


	12. heaven forbid

thanks so much for all your reviews!, here's chapter 12, I'll try to get up the next chapter asap, keep reviewing :)

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"Where have you been?" asked Seamus curiously as Ron sat down across from them.

Ron gave a sly smile, "Let's just say my pockets aren't going to be empty for long..."

"No way!" Dean said incredulously in a hushed voice.

Ron nodded, "Yup," he said in a satisfied tone, "I believe you three owe me some galleons."

"So the bet was still on then?" asked Harry disapprovingly.

"What do you mean?" asked Ron, "I don't think I ever called it off..."

"Ron," said Harry hesitantly, "er...Don't you...don't you think you're going a little too far with this whole thing..."

"Not Really." Ron shrugged as he pulled a plate of sausages towards him and began eating.

----

Hermione's eyes fluttered open as she felt the sunlight filtering in through her window,

"Ron?" she called out when she noticed that he was no longer laying next to her.

She checked the time, it was already 9:00 am. Hermione gave a small smile, knowing Ron and his huge appetite, he was probably down at breakfast already.

Hermione quickly got dressed and packed her books for classes, before leaving she checked the mirror, fixing her hair, making sure she looked decent..._For Ron_, she smiled...

-----

"Well how was she?" grinned Seamus.

Ron gave another one of his sly smiles before leaning forward so that only they could hear him, "Put it this way, boys..." he grinned, "they don't call her 'head' girl for nothing."

Harry stared stony faced at Ron, Ron was being a real jackass, and he was definitely pushing it...

Dean and Seamus broke into an uproar of laughter, they immediately tried to supress their giggles as they caught sight of Hermione walking towards them,

"Hey guys, Hi Ron.." She said nervously, _what had they been laughing about...did Ron tell them about last night?...was I really that bad?. _she began to panic.

"What's so funny?" she tried to ask casually,

"Oh, " Ron answered, "We were just laughing about a bet we made a while back" he chuckled.

Hermione gave a sigh of relief. _Thank God._ She muttered to herself as she pulled a plate of french toast towards her.

"Don't you wanna know what the bet was about?" asked Ron curiously.

"Umm...sure" Hermione said, listening to Ron intently, while still concentrating on her plate and cutting her toast into halves.

"It's a funny story, really" Ron began.

"You see, we all made this bet, about a couple of months ago..to see if I could get you to fall in love with me or whatever..."

Hermione was still concentrating on her plate, but she had stopped cutting her food...

"But I knew that would be too easy, so I decided to raise the stakes a bit.." Ron continued,

"Ron, that's enough." Harry said firmly.

"Hold on Harry, I haven't even gotten to the best part..."

"by raising the stakes, I mean, we bet to see if I could get you to sleep with me...it's pretty hilarious, really" Ron said finally,

Hermione had let her fork slip from her fingers, she was still staring in confusion at her plate...Nothing seemed to make sense, she had heard Ron, but the words weren't connecting in her mind...it didn't make sense to her at all...she couldn't have heard him correctly..._right?...If this was some big joke...it definitely wasn't funny..._

Hermione turned to Ron, his expression was blank, emotionless...

"Ron..." she said nervously, shaking her head slightly, "If this is some joke..."

"Believe me Hermione, it's no joke" he said smiling slightly, "go ahead ask them.."

Hermione her eyes full of concern, turned to Harry for confirmation, _is it true?_

Harry glanced regretfully at Hermione before staring down at the table and nodding, he couldn't bear to look at Hermione any longer...

She stared wordlessly back at Ron, and opened her mouth to retort...but she didn't know exactly what to say. She closed her mouth shut again...She refused to believe Ron would do that to her..._Ron would never do that to me...I care about him...and he cares about me..._

Ron stared back at her, he had done what he had set out to do, and he honestly couldn't feel any better...He had hurt Hermione...the same way she hurt him..He didn't feel guilty at all, why should he? afterall, she cheated on him...

"Payback's a bitch.." he said harshly.

In one huge blow, Ron's words seemed to slam straight into Hermione, _Last night he really had slept with her...for a bet..._

she felt as though she were going to be sick, her eyes filled with tears as she gave Ron one last look and rushed out of the Great Hall.

--------

Hermione paced the girls lavatory, wringing her hands in anxiety.

She finally stared into the mirror, _It was all a lie...a bet..._She thought to herself as tears slid down her face. She suddenly became nauseated and threw up into the sink.

Hermione retched and placed a shaky hand over her mouth as she fought the sudden urge to throw up yet again, she immediately cleaned herself up, letting the cold water splash across her face.

Hermione looked back into the mirror again, her hands gripping the sides of the cold, white porcelain sink. She felt as though the bathroom was spinning around her, her breathing was shallow and ragged...She immediately closed her eyes, _Just calm down..._she whispered to herself...

_Calm down?!?...how the hell can I calm down?!?_ yelled the voice in her head,

_Ron slept with me...for a bet..._Hermione began to sob as the truth finally hit her,

_This can't be happening..._

_Things like this aren't suppose to happen to me..._She cried.

_Things like this only happen in movies or something...not in real life..._

"I knew I shouldn't have trusted him...I shouldn't have trusted anyone.." she muttered angrily to herself, as she wiped her tears in frustration. "I told myself not to...How could I have been so stupid?"

Hermione looked back into the mirror, "No more..." she whispered to herself, shaking her head "Never again..."

Hermione slammed her fist against the mirror, watching as her reflection shattered to a million pieces...just like her heart...

_I have to get out of here. _She thought helplessly, she needed a walk...fresh air...anything...this castle was stifling, and she had to get out...

------

Ron and the rest of the Gryffindors were all making their way to Transfiguration,

"Dammit!" muttered Ron as he stopped in his tracks, and ran a hand over his back pocket.

"What happened?" asked Dean.

"Nothing...I just...I forgot my wand..." he mumbled

"Well hurry up, you still got ten minutes" said Seamus.

"Alright," Ron nodded, "tell McGonagall I just went to fetch my wand" Ron said as he hurried up the stairs...

Ron drew a deep breath as he said the password and passed through the portrait hole to the Head Tower, praying to god that Hermione wasn't there...

Ron creaked open the door to her room and gave a sigh of relief, there was no one in sight.

He immediately scanned the room looking all over the desk, and under chairs, finally he kneeled down to the floor and checked under the bed, there it was, right next to some bowl shaped object, he reached out his arm, and tried to grab his wand, but his fingertips merely brushed against it, he stuck his head under the bed and inched closer finally grabbing hold.

Ron stuffed the wand in his pocket and now looked at the bowl curiously as it cast a shimmering glow, he pulled it out from under the bed and set it on Hermione's desk, staring at what was inside, it was a white, silvery substance, and he couldn't tell whether it was liquid or gas...

He looked around the room again to make sure no one was watching him, and was just about to put his hand inside, but decided against it, knowing too well how dangerous that could be...He smartly pulled out his wand, and gently prodded the substance.

Nothing happened..._Oh well, better get to class_, He thought dissapointingly...but before he could move, the room gave an almighty lurch.

* * *

_Twenty years, it's breaking you down  
now that you understand there's no one around  
Take a breath, just take a seat  
your falling apart and tearing at the seams_

_Heaven forbid you end up alone, you don't know why  
Hold on tight, wait for tomorrow, you'll be alright_

_It's on your face, is it on your mind  
would you care to build a house of your own  
How much longer, how long can you wait  
It's like you wanted to go and give yourself away_

_Heaven forbid you end up alone, and don't know why  
Hold on tight, wait for tomorrow, you'll be alright  
Heaven forbid you end up alone, and don't know why  
Hold on tight, wait for tomorrow, you'll be alright_

_It feels good (Is that reason enough for you)  
It feels good (Is that reason enough for you)  
It feels good (Is that reason enough for you)  
It feels good (Is that reason enough for you)_

_Heaven forbid you end up alone, and don't know why  
Hold on tight wait for tomorrow, you'll be alright  
Heaven forbid you end up alone, and don't know why  
Hold on tight wait for tomorrow, you'll be alright_

_Out of this one  
I don't know how to get you out of this one  
I don't know how to get you out of this one..._

_-the fray_


	13. dead wrong

Thank you so much for all your reviews!!, I don't think I've ever gotten so many emails in one day lol, first i want to warn you that there's a bit of sexual content in here so if you're not old enough or whatever, don't read. anyways, here's chapter 13, I'm sorry if the chapter's a bit lengthy, but this chapter brought back a lot of painful memories for me, and I felt like I had to get it all out there...about how i organized the chapter: the _italics _refer to the memory, Regular text refers to Ron seeing the memory and _**bold italics** _refer to thoughts, I also separated the memories from Ron by putting in breakers, lol I hope this chapter isn't too confusing, you'll get it once you read it lol. hope you enjoy, keep reviewing and i'll try to get the next chapter up asap :)

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Ron fell head first into the basin before finally landing soundly on his feet. He was still in Hermione's room, but it was now dark outside.

"Hermione!" he yelled in surprise, when he caught sight of her looking into her mirror. "I didn't mean to..I.."

But Hermione wasn't paying attention, she was just heading out the door, in her ball gown...

_Wait a minute..._ Ron thought to himself, he knew that dress, this was the night of the Yule Ball...

"So this is what a pensieve looks like" He whispered to himself, remembering how Harry had described what a pensieve was a few years ago.

Ron looked around, realizing that he must be in one of Hermione's memories.

His heart sank, he was now outside the Great Hall, and he had just caught sight of himself and a happy Hermione, leaving the ball hand in hand:

* * *

_"Where are we going?" Hermione giggled, _

_"Just come on!" Ron laughed, as they made their way outside the castle, and up the stairs to the Astronomy Tower_

_Hermione gasped in amazement as she saw the millions of stars winking down at them._

_Ron gently pulled Hermione towards him and softly kissed her on the lips. _

_Hermione giggled again, "Ron...we're gonna get caught.."_

_Ron gave a small smile, as he kissed her on her forehead, "Did I already tell you how beatiful you look?" he whispered. _

_Hermione laughed as she rolled her eyes._

_"What!, I'm serious Hermione!" he said honestly in his defense, Ron gently caressed her face, "I'm the luckiest guy in the world"_

_Hermione smiled, her heart soared, she'd never felt this way about anyone. She looked up at the twinkling stars and bright moon, knowing that they were all smiling down at her, she'd never felt so happy before in her life. _

_Hermione stared deeply into Ron's eyes, and kissed him passionately, She gently pulled away from the kiss, her mind and heart racing, _

_"I love you." she whispered in his ear._

_Ron froze...**did she just say what I think she said?**_

_**Oh my god...did I just say what I think I said??...**Hermione panicked to herself._

_"Sorry..." Hermione said quickly..."I.."_

_"It's ok...you don't have to explain.." Ron interrupted awkwardly.."umm..you were just being stupid... Hermione, really, it's fine.."_

_Hermione had stopped mumbling..."What?!?" she asked incredulously, "What do you mean i'm being stupid?"_

_"I didn't mean it like that," he said quickly_

_Hermione...I just...arghh...can we just forget it?" Ron said tiredly._

_Hermione was fuming, "No, we can't 'just forget it'!" she said through gritted teeth, _

_"I'm here spilling my heart out to you, and you want to just forget it?!?" she yelled incredulously._

_"Hermione, come on..." Ron tried to reason._

_"No." Hermione said firmly, "Ron, you really do have the emotional capacity of a teaspoon!" and with that Hermione stormed off, leaving an awestruck Ron behind._

_Hermione ran inside the portrait hole, to find Malfoy and a few Slytherins celebrating in the common room, _

_"Care to join the party, mudblood?" Malfoy called out as he held up a bottle of firewhiskey._

_"Shove off Malfoy!" Hermione spat dangerously as she ran upstairs to her room and slammed the door behind her._

_Hermione slipped to the floor near the foot of her bed and began to cry. Her perfect night was now ruined..._

_She heard her door creak open, and saw Malfoy leaning arrogantly against the door frame._

_"Go away." she muttered_

_"What happened?" asked Draco mockingly, "did the little Weasel hurt your feelings?"_

_"I said GO AWAY!" Hermione yelled, chucking her shoe at Draco, which barely missed his head by a few inches._

_Draco gave a low whistle, "I'll take that as a yes.." he chuckled, "Looks like you need this more than I do..." he said as he threw something heavy onto Hermione's bed and left, making sure to close the door behind him._

_Hermione waited till Draco's footsteps died away, before she stood up and looked to see what he had thrown on her bed...It was a bottle of firewhiskey..._

_She picked it up, setting it on her dresser as she looked at herself in the mirror..._

_**Come on Hermione...you know how Ron is, he was probably just scared to tell you how he feels...**reasoned a voice in Hermione's head._

_**Yeah...but he's not scared enough to snog me...**she muttered back,_

_**You guys have only been going out for a few months, Did you really expect him to be saying 'the L word' so soon?** whispered the voice in her head._

_Maybe she was over-reacting, afterall, Ron always did have trouble expressing his feelings..._

_**But he said you were acting stupid!, **yelled another voice in her head._

_Hermione's heart sank at this realization...She had just told Ron that she loved him...only to be rejected...her night couldn't go any worse..._

_"To hell with it..." she muttered to herself as she grabbed the bottle, opened it and began to drink, all she wanted to do right now was numb the pain in her heart..._

_----_

_Ron sat numbly next to Harry, his mind lost in thought._

_"What's up?" Harry asked in concern._

_Ron waved his hand carelessly around._

_"Where's Hermione?" asked Ginny._

_"We got into a fight.." Ron mumbled angrily._

_"'Bout what?" asked Harry curiously, as he took a swig of butterbeer, he was use to Ron and Hermione bickering these days._

_"She told me she loved me..." Ron said quietly, _

_"And..?" Ginny pressed on,_

_"I told her she was being stupid.." Ron mumbled even more quietly._

_Harry spit out his drink, "What?!" he asked incredulously, wiping his mouth with his sleeve._

_"I didn't mean to!" Ron said defensively, "She caught me off guard...what was I suppose to say?!"_

_"I dunno...maybe you could have said something along the lines of ' I love you too' "? Harry responded._

_"It's not that easy!..." Ron spat back._

_"Ron.." Ginny sighed, "Do you love Hermione?"_

_Ron thought about it, of course he did, he honestly couldn't picture himself with anyone else but her..._

_And then it dawned on him...maybe he had over-reacted...What was the big deal about saying 'I love you'?, afterall, he **did **love Hermione._

_"Thanks guys!" he exclaimed as he got up and ran out of the Great Hall, he had to find Hermione, he was going to finally tell her he loved her..._

_----_

_Hermione stumbled to her bed and lay down, her head felt heavy and it felt like the room was rocking back and forth._

_"Is this how it always feels when you're drunk?" she muttered to herself as she rested her head on her pillow,_

_"I'm not drunk.." she argued to herself defensively. Drunk or not, she vowed to never drink again._

_She let the empty bottle slip from her fingers, watching as it fell to the floor with a soft thud._

_Hermione closed her eyes and drifted off into a half-conscious sleep._

_Draco entered the room and smirked, "Quite the drinker, aren't we?" he chuckled when he noticed the empty bottle near Hermione's bed._

_"...Sshut upp" Hermione muttered groggily._

_Draco sat at the foot of Hermione's bed and stared down at her menacingly..._

* * *

Ron's eyes narrowed as he watched the memory...he knew what was coming next,and he honestly didn't want to see any of it... 

His blood boiled...as his hate grew...

_**But she was drunk**..._argued a voice in his head,

Ron honestly had no idea Hermione was drunk that night...but he refused to believe that what happened wasn't entirely her fault, because believing that would mean that he was wrong...

_**It's still her fault**..._He convinced himself, _**she chose to get drunk...and besides, she didn't even tell Draco to leave...**_

* * *

_Malfoy was now kissing Hermione's neck..._

_Hermione stirred, "Whhere am I?" she muttered_

_"It's ok, you're safe with me," Draco sneered as he slowly began unzipping Hermione's dress..._

_Malfoy's lips made their way down to Hermione's chest..._

* * *

Ron felt disgusted, he looked up at where he had fell from earlier, wondering how in the world you were suppose to get out of a pensieve...he honestly didn't want to see this...

* * *

_Draco's hand was now sliding up Hermione's thigh,_

_"...wait...what are you doing..." Hermione muttered drunkedly._

_It was hard for Hermione to think straight, all her thoughts were one big jumble, but in her mind, she knew this wasn't right..._

_Malfoy kissed Hermione roughly on her lips, his slimy tounge plunging into her mouth..._

_She could feel the rough stubble of his chin prickle against her face and taste the alcohol on his breath..._

_This isn't right..Her mind screamed, she had to stop this._

_"Get off me.." she groaned as she tried to push Draco away._

* * *

Ron had stopped looking for a way out of the pensieve...He was now staring awestruck at Hermione...

* * *

_"Quit playing hard to get, Granger." Draco chuckled as his hand began to feel it's way inside of her._

_"Malfoy, stop.." she moaned, her body was reacting to Malfoy's touch but deep down she didn't like this at all...__Hermione felt violated, she had never let anyone touch her there before...not even Ron...She almost cried at the thought of Ron...what would he think if he saw her now?_

_"Stop it!" Hermione began to cry, as she tried again to push Draco off her, but her arms were heavy like lead, the alcohol, had slowed her mind and body, she was powerless against Draco.._

* * *

Ron continued to stare in horror, Hermione had said no...she was trying to fight Draco off of her...He rushed to her bed and tried to grab Malfoy, but it was like trying to grasp thin air...Ron cursed when he remembered this was all a memory...and there was nothing he could do to change it...

* * *

_Hermione had stopped crying, she now lay silent on her bed, feeling numb and worthless...she no longer fought as Malfoy continued to kiss her, thinking that no one would want her now...not even Ron..._

_"Ron!" she gasped in shock finally pulling away from Malfoy's kiss when she saw a glimpse of red hair, and heard her door slam shu__t._

_Hermione stumbled out of her bed, zipping up her dress as she rushed after Ron._

_"Ron...wait!" she panted as she finally caught up with him, adjusting the slipping strap on her dress, "Please...I can explain"_

* * *

Ron's heart sank, he knew what was going to happen next...He stared helplessly as he watched the argument unfold...

* * *

-- 

"_You're nothing but a slut", Ron spat finally, leaving an awestruck Hermione behind._

_Hermione began to cry as she raced up to her room, and bolted it shut._

_She undressed and got into her shower, she could still taste Malfoy's breath, and feel his touch. She threw up and stumbled onto the cold tiled shower floor feeling filthy and revulsed. Hermione began scrubbing her body vigourously, hoping that the memories of what happened would wash away as well. _

_Her skin was now pink and rubbed raw as she sank to the floor and drew her knees up to her chest, letting the jet of water beat down upon her._

_Hermione buried her face in her hands and cried, she felt empty and helpless...She screamed out in frustration, all of this seemed unreal..._

* * *

Ron stared in terror, he had never seen Hermione cry like this...he had never seen anyone cry like this...He had no idea she was..._raped..._the word sounded so terrible in his head. 

_What have I done?_ He thought sadly, Everything seemed to make sense now...all this time, she was trying to tell him what really happened...but back then he was too blinded by his anger to listen...

_But I didn't know! _A voice in his head tried to argue defensively...

He looked in discomfort again at Hermione, who was now repeatedly scrubbing away again at her already pink skin.

-----

"I think you've seen enough." a voice behind Ron said firmly...

* * *

_If only I knew what I know  
I'd make it a point to say so  
To everyone that got me here  
And everyone that made it _

Clear I was dead wrong all along  
You said it for my sake  
That I would not lose my way  
When I was astray ...

I'm doing the best that I could.  
Trying my best to be understood  
Maybe I'm changing slowly  
I get out, turn around...

Knew I was dead wrong all along  
You said it for my sake  
that I would not lose my way  
When I was dead wrong all along

Mine is not a new story  
Mine is not a new story  
Mine is nothing new  
But it is for me

So I was dead wrong all along  
You said it for my sake  
That you thought I'd lost my way  
When I was dead wrong all along  
You said it for my sake  
That I would not lose my way

Did I really lose my way  
Or are you afraid

-_the fray_


	14. crash and burn

THANKS for all your reviews, here's chapter 14, i'll try to get the next one up asap keep reviewing :)

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"...Hermione, " Ron tried to explain as their surroundings melted away, they were now out of the pensieve, and standing in her room, "I didn't mean to...I was just..."

"I think it's best if you leave." Hermione interrupted in an oddly calm voice, she didn't want to hear what Ron had to say. Ron had just seen everything...the one thing she had tried so hard to keep a secret, was now out, and it scared her. Hermione refused to even look at him, she turned around, pretending to straighten a pile of books on her desk.

"Hermione, " Ron continued, "we have to talk about this,"

Hermione stayed silent, thinking that if she didn't respond, he would leave.

"Hermione, please talk to me." Ron pleaded. He needed her to talk to him, to yell at him, scream, anything, the silence was killing him.

"I don't have to talk to you about anything." she said quietly, while still not facing him, "and in case you haven't noticed, there is no **we.**"

"I'm sorry for what I did to you, " Ron said earnestly, "I...I was angry and upset...I had no idea...about..."

"So being angry justifies what you did?" Hermione asked incredulously, finally rounding on him, the anger she was trying so hard to hold in was slowly escaping.

"No, of course not" Ron said quickly, as he fell silent, finally realizing that he had screwed up, big time.

"Hermione...I.." Ron tried to continue,

"No.." Hermione cut sharply, "I don't want to hear it Ron, I'm sick and tired of falling for your crap."

Ron was slightly taken aback, he had never heard Hermione curse before.

"I was wrong about you..." she said quietly, "You're just like him..." she muttered,

Hermione's words cut into Ron like a knife, "Hermione, I would never..."

"You'd never what, Ronald?" Hermione asked angrily while her eyes stung with tears, "hurt me?" she asked sarcastically, as her voice became unsteady.

Ron refused to be associated with Malfoy, he would never hurt her the way Malfoy did...

"Hermione, I would never steal something like that away from you..." Ron said finally

Hermione bit her lip, she refused to cry in front of Ron. "You stole my heart." she whispered sadly. "you stole it for a bet...and me, being the idiot that I am...I fell for it."

"You're not an idiot..." Ron said truthfully

Hermione ignored Ron's last comment as her anger began to rise, "God, how could I have been so stupid?.." she cursed to herself, as tears fell freely from her eyes, "I told myself to stop trusting people..."

Ron's heart felt heavy with guilt, he had really hurt Hermione. But he couldn't let her keep beating herself up over this. "Hermione, I know you're upset, and I understand if you never want to speak to me again, but you have to tell someone about what happened."

"You of all people, have no right to tell me what I have to do" she spat harshly.

"You can't keep holding everything inside, " Ron said quietly, as he stared deeply into Hermione's eyes.

"Hermione, " Ron said more firmly, "you can't keep hiding from the fact that you were raped."

_Raped?..._The word hit Hermione like a freight train, she never liked the word, she despised it...and she refused to believe that she was raped...she refused to believe that she was a victim...

Hermione looked tearfully up at Ron, She was tired, her shoulders heavy, her heart literally aching, she was tired of all this, and for a split second, she wanted him to hold her, wrap her in his arms and tell her everything was going to be alright, that she could get through this...

"Hermione, " Ron said softly, "It wasn't your fault, none of it was your fault."

"No, " Hermione said, shaking her head tearfully as she finally snapped out of it...

"You don't get it, Ron..It **was** my fault..." she began to cry, "Don't you see? I put myself in that situation!" she said her anger rising up again, "I chose to drink that night, it was all my fault..."

"No, Hermione, it wasn't." Ron said as he reached out for her hand, he wanted her to know that it wasn't her fault, and that he was here for her.

"I never meant to hurt you..." she whispered,

"It's ok, it wasn't you're fault Hermione" Ron said honestly.

Hermione shook her head, "But you...the bet, it was all on purpose..you wanted to hurt me, didn't you?"

"Don't touch me." she said suddenly, as she backed away from him.

"Hermione,...I.."

"Ron, just get out.." she said tearfully.

"I'm not leaving you, Hermione" Ron said firmly, "What I did was wrong, and i'm sorry...but you can't..."

"Get out!" she yelled as she grabbed a book off her desk and chucked it towards Ron.

Ron ducked as the book flew past him, "Hermione..."

Hermione grabbed another book, "Get out!" she yelled again, her eyes spilling with tears, she threw it, this time hitting Ron flat in the face,

"OUCH!!" Ron yelled, "Hermione, will you calm down!"

No, she was not going to calm down...It felt good to yell...and feel angry, all her emotions, the guilt, the sadness, the shame, it all went away when she was angry...

Hermione grabbed another book, her heart was pounding against her chest, she was sick of crying and feeling helpless...so many emotions were racing through her..._How could this have happened to me?..._images of Malfoy, the night of the Yule Ball, Ron...what they did last night...they all came flashing through her mind...

Hermione's breathing hitched, the book in Hermione's hand fell limply to her feet, she was now clutching her chest,

"Hermione?" Ron began to panic,

"It's nothing...I.." she said softly, as her breathing quickened,

Hermione's other hand was now clutching her desk for support, it felt as though the room was spinning, she finally fell to her knees, still clutching her chest in pain,

"Hermione!" Ron yelled, as he rushed to her side, "What is it? what's wrong" he panicked.

"I...I'm fine" she managed to whisper, while holding her hand out to prevent Ron from coming any closer...But she wasn't fine at all, Her heart was pounding painfully against her chest, it felt as though it weighed a ton, her head felt like it was going to split in two, everything was one big blur... She tried gasping for air, but no matter how many times she tried, she still couldn't feel anything enter her lungs.

"Hermione!" Ron yelled again, as he knelt next to her and gently held her fragile body in his arms, trying to figure out what was wrong.

Ron's voice seemed so far away, Hermione was slowly slipping into darkness, everything around her faded to black...

* * *

_Mama use to say; _

_'don't burn down your bridges',_

_And I swear I, _

_I tried to listen._

_But all that's left, are shattered remains of my past,_

_Parts that didn't last…._

_And will you be there when I start to turn?_

_I guess it's time that I start to learn,_

_How everything begins to crash,_

_Crash and burn._

_I would talk, but there's nothing left to say,_

_And when I grab hold, it's just too late,_

_I wish I,_

_Could turn back the hands, hands of time,_

_to the days I left behind,_

_oh, will you be there when I start to turn,_

_I guess it's time that I start to learn that,_

_I always crash, crash and burn…_

_I wish I…I wish I _

_Could just get over you,_

_And I try, but I fail,_

_Honey, it's just no use,_

_Cuz you're not there when I start to turn, _

_But, I'm foolish enough to wait for your return,_

_While everything starts to crash, crash and burn…_


	15. iris

First of all thank you for all your reviews, and thank you so much for your patience, last week was so busy for me, i didn't have much time to write at all, so i'm really sorry it took so long to put up this chapter. anyways, i know it's kinda short, but the last one or two chapters are probably gonna be alot longer, oh, and hermione's not pregnant, lol although that probably would have made a good storyline :P, anyways, thanks again for reviewing, i'll try to get the next one up real soon, so keep reviewing:)

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"Is she gonna be alright?" Ron asked worriedly as he sat in a chair next to Hermione's hospital bed.

"She's going to be fine Mr. Weasley, it was just a panic attack." answered Madam Pomfrey briskly.

"Panic attack?!" asked Ron, wide-eyed.

"Don't worry, it's common for students to become overwhelmed with stress and suffer from panic attacks, especially with exams drawing near."

Ron stared down at the unconscious Hermione, knowing full well that exams were probably the last thing on Hermione's mind

"I honestly thought the pensieve was working for Miss Granger." Madam Pomfrey added.

Ron's head snapped up, "You knew about the pensieve?"

"Well, of course I did. Miss Granger came here a few months into the beginning of the school year, she informed me that she was having sleeping trouble, most likely from studying so hard. I offered her a few sleeping potions, and when that didn't seem to work, I had a word with Minerva, and she offered to lend Miss Granger the pensieve." Madam Pomfrey said matter-of-factly.

Ron felt his heart grow heavy as he glanced at Hermione again, noticing the dark circles under her eyes. Was it possible to have memories and nightmares so terrible that even potions and magic couldn't help?..._Why didn't he see any of the signs?_

Ron drew in a deep breath, he had to tell Madam Pomfrey about what he saw in the pensieve...

Hermione began shivering in her sleep,

"I'll get her a blanket" Madam Pomfrey said briskly, before Ron could even say a word, she went off to the supply room,

Ron held his breath and stared anxiously as Hermione's eyes began to flutter open.

Hermione squinted her eyes at the bright rays of sunshine that were filtering in through the windows.

Her head was throbbing painfully and her ribs were sore, "...Where am I?" she muttered to herself as she placed a hand over her forehead.

"You're in the hospital wing..." Ron said quietly.

Hermione jumped, slightly startled that there was someone else in the room with her. Her face fell when she caught sight of Ron smiling nervously at her. Memories of what happened earlier came flooding back...the bet...The pensieve...Ron and her arguing...then everything went black..._I must have fainted..._She realized suddenly.

"Sorry," Ron began to apologize, "I didn't mean to startle you.."

"It's fine.." Hermione interrupted, _No it's not!_ yelled the voice in Hermione's head, things were far from fine.

Hermione turned over in her bed so that her back was facing Ron. She honestly didn't feel like talking to him, or anyone else for that matter...She just wanted to be alone...

"Hermione, " Ron said quietly, "Look, I..."

"Ron.." Hermione said abruptly, "I really just need to be alone right now."

"I know..but I...I wanted to apologize...what I did...I didn't mean to...I was upset and..."

"Ronald...please just leave..." Hermione said quietly, still not facing him. Her eyes stung with tears at the irony of it all. About a week ago she would have given anything to hear Ron say those words...but now, she wanted nothing to do with him...She couldn't even look at him..

Ron sighed, He couldn't give up...he had to let Hermione know that he truly was sorry for what he did...He had to let her know that she didn't have to go through this alone.

"Hermione..." He began to say gently,

"Please..." she begged finally sitting up and facing him, with pleading eyes,they were filled with tears and her lip was trembling, "just go.." she said in defeat.

Her eyes had said it all, _Haven't you done enough?..._The fire that use to burn in Hermione's eyes was gone, dimmed in defeat...

the guilt in Ron's heart grew, if possible, even heavier. "I'm sorry.." Ron whispered sadly, before standing up slowly, he gave Hermione one last sorrowful look before leaving the hospital wing.

Hermione cried as she lay curled up in the hospital bed, her heart was now shattered in a million pieces, _Why did this have to happen to me? _She thought sadly, The one thing that she thought would save her, had ended up turning into a complete disaster...and it killed her to know that this wasn't all some nightmare that she could just wake up from...She wiped furiously at her eyes, She truly was in love with Ron...and all she wanted was to have Ron need her, the same way she had so desperately needed him...was that so much to ask?

_Why did Ron have to hurt me?..._She cursed at the rays of sunlight filtering in the room, how could everything be so bright and perfect out there, while everything inside her felt so dark and terrible?

---

It was well past midnight as Ron lay in his bed, staring up at the ceiling,

Earlier that day he had refused to tell Harry and Ginny what he had witnessed in the pensieve...he at least owed it to Hermione to keep her secret, at least until she was ready to tell them herself.

...but he knew exactly what their reactions would be if he did; Ginny would probably stare at him completely horrified at the news before bursting into tears...and Harry would probably be in utter disbelief, before getting into a fit of rage and chasing recklessly after Malfoy to beat him to a pulp.

Ron sat up, having the sudden urge to kill Malfoy and put him in as much pain as possible.

He sunk back in his bed again, so many thoughts were running through his mind right now...and so many emotions...regret...sadness...anger...fear...what was he going to do?

He ran his hand through his hair in frustration, trying to think things through...

He knew he had really screwed up this time...and what upset him the most was that he truly cared about Hermione,

Ron nodded his head resolutely, Malfoy would have to wait till tomorrow...Right now all he knew was that he had to make things right with Hermione, He grabbed a paper and quill, and began to write...

* * *

_And I'd give up forever to touch you  
'Cause I know that you feel me somehow  
You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be  
And I don't want to go home right now _

_And all I can taste is this moment  
And all I can breathe is your life  
'Cause sooner or later it's over  
I just don't want to miss you tonight _

_And I don't want the world to see me  
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand  
When everything's made to be broken  
I just want you to know who I am _

_And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming  
Or the moment of truth in your lies  
When everything feels like the movies  
And you bleed just to know you're alive _

_And I don't want the world to see me  
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand  
When everything's made to be broken  
I just want you to know who I am _

_And I don't want the world to see me  
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand  
When everything's made to be broken  
I just want you to know who I am _

_And I don't want the world to see me  
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand  
When everything's made to be broken  
I just want you to know who I am_

_I just want you to know who I am  
I just want you to know who I am  
I just want you to know who I am..._

_-goo goo dolls_


	16. nobody wants to be lonely

Thanks for all your reviews, and thanks again for your patience! writers block sucks lol, but I finally was able to put up chapter 16, even though it's kinda short. and I also added another music video/trailer thing to youtube, so you can check that out, i have the link up on my profile page. Special thanks to Lor'sEvilRumour for commenting my trailer :). Hopefully the next chapter will be up soon. Keep reviewing :), oh, and sorry for the cliffhanger lol.

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Hermione fell face down on her pillow the minute she entered her bedroom, she felt tired...numb...everything felt so surreal.

She sighed, as she became lost in her thoughts, _Maybe I could just run away and start over..._She whispered tiredly to herself. Deep down Hermione knew in her heart that her past would always haunt her... No matter where she went.

She curled up and felt something brush lightly against her feet...A tiny white box lay at the foot of her bed.

Hermione sat up and read the scribble on the outside of the box; 'From, Ron' it stated simply,

She bit her lip nervously as she reluctantly began to open the box. Inside was a golden, heart-shaped locket...

Instead of feeling touched, Hermione felt anger beginning to rise up slowly inside of her. _Just_ w_ho did Ron think he was anyway? Did he think that this gift would make up for everything that he's done? _If so, he's terribly mistaken.

Hermione felt tears sting her eyes as she threw the locket to the ground, She felt hurt, her heart grew heavy, realizing that no gift could make her forgive Ron for what he did to her.

A folded piece of parchment fell from the top of the box, written across, on front it read : 'READ FIRST' in bold capital letters. Hermione gingerly unfolded the parchment and began to read the letter:

_Dear Hermione,_

_There are so many things that i need to say to you, and I honestly don't know where to begin...all I can say is that I'm sorry. What I did was wrong and stupid. Hermione, I swear I never meant to hurt you._

_I just...i don't know what came over me, I was hurt and angry. I made the bet because I wanted you to feel the same way I did that night. I know that there is nothing that can justify what I did to you, and if there's anyone to blame for what happened, it's me, you have every right to be angry and never speak to me again. But please know, that I care for you Hermione. When I made the bet, I promised myself that I wouldn't fall for you, but I realized that would be impossible to do. You truly are an amazing person, __I hope you will understand that** I love you Hermione**. _

_It's taken me seven years to muster up the courage to finally say it, but I honestly do. I have always loved you, and I know I should have said it much sooner. I was foolish to keep my feelings inside. The truth is, I was afraid I would scare you away. I don't want to lose you Hermione, you make me want to be a better person, and I promise you, from now on, I will try my best to be that guy._

_I know I selfishly stole your heart away. But the truth is, you've had my heart since the very moment I laid eyes on you. Ever since that first train to Hogwarts, I was too proud to admit it then, but you've always had my heart, and you always will._

_-Ron_

Hermione's lip began to tremble, as tears spilt onto the letter. She read that one line over and over. **_I love you Hermione, _**

She picked the locket up from the floor, cradling it gently in her hands, engraved on the front was one word, 'always'.

Hermione wiped the tears from her eyes as she opened the locket and saw a picture of her and Ron, taken at the Burrow, the day that he asked her to be his girlfriend.

As much as Hermione hated to admit it, she still had feelings for Ron. Her heart softened as she stared down at the picture, _Maybe they could go back to the way things use to be_. Hermione slowly began to realize how hurt Ron must have felt when he saw her that night, and even though it didn't justify his actions, it still made it harder to stay mad at him.

Hermione sighed. She knew that it wouldn't be easy to forgive Ron, but all she wanted was to have her life stop being such a nightmare. Maybe this was her wake up call...Hermione nodded her head resolutely, she couldn't keep running away from her problems. She had to face them head on.

Hermione got up and reread Ron's letter one more time, finally deciding that maybe talking to Ron would make things better.

She jumped and tore her eyes away from the parchment as she heard her bedroom door slam violently shut. Her face fell as she stood frozen, her heart beating wildly...She was trapped...

* * *

_There you are  
In a darkened room  
And you're all alone  
Looking out the window  
Your heart is cold and lost the will to love  
Like a broken arrow_

_Here I stand in the shadows  
Come to me, Come to me  
Can't you see that_

_Nobody wants to be lonely  
Nobody wants to cry  
My body's longing to hold you  
so bad it hurts inside  
Time is precious and it's slipping away  
and I've been waiting for you all of my life  
Nobody wants to be lonely so why  
Why don't you let me love you_

_Can you hear my voice?  
Do you hear my song?  
It's a serenade,  
So your heart can find me  
And suddenly your flying down the stairs  
Into my arms,_

_Before I start going crazy  
Run to me, Run to me  
Cause I'm dying_

_I want to feel you deeply  
Just like the air you're breathing  
I need you here in my life  
Don't walk away,_

_Nobody wants to be lonely  
Nobody wants to cry  
Nobody wants to be lonely  
I don't want to be lonely  
Nobody wants to cry  
I don't want to cry  
My body's longing to hold you  
I'm longing to hold you  
so bad it hurts inside  
Time is precious and it's slipping away  
and I've been waiting for you all of my life  
Nobody wants to be lonely so why  
Why don't you let me love you  
Why don't you let me love you_

_Nobody wants to be lonely  
I don't want to cry  
Nobody wants to cry  
My body's longing to hold you  
so bad it hurts inside  
Nobody wants to be lonely  
I don't want to be lonely  
Nobody wants to cry._

_-christina aguilera ft. ricky martin_


	17. it's not over

THANKS for all you're reviews, and thanks to all of you for checking out the trailers and leaving comments on youtube. you guys are awesome! lol well anyways, here's the final chapter of crash and burn, I hope you guys enjoy, it's been really fun writing this story, and who knows, maybe there'll be a sequel :P lol. thanks for everything!!

-shygurl88

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Hermione cursed herself for forgetting to lock the door, her heart pounded intensely against her rib cage and her body began trembling in fear as she stared at him.

Draco glared mutinously at Hermione.

"W..what are you doing here?" Hermione managed to stammer out, stumbling as she began to back away from him, her hand discreetly slid into her pocket, clutching her wand protectively.

"I had a little chat with your boyfriend, " he said while pointing to his fresh black eye,"Just who the hell do you think you are mudblood?!" Draco spat dangerously,

"I don't know what you're talking about" Hermione tried to say bravely, even though she felt the complete opposite of brave.

"There's rumor going around that I raped you," Draco said as his anger began to rise, "you fucking liar!"

Hermione winced at the anger in Draco's voice, utterly scared out of her wits.

"You're full of shit." Draco berated, as he stepped slightly closer towards Hermione,

"Deep down you were enjoying it," He continued,

"Shut up" Hermione mumbled quietly in shame as she shook back tears.

"You're a filthy slut, I practically had you begging for more that night." He sneered.

"I said SHUT UP!!" Hermione yelled angrily, her eyes shiny with tears as she pulled out her wand, pointing it with a trembling hand at Draco as he inched closer towards her.

Draco merely smirked, and with a lazy wave of his hand, he sent Hermione's wand flying out of her grasp and crashing against the wall.

Hermione stood rooted to her spot, she was powerless, Her mind and heart were racing as she tried to figure out a way to get out of this situation. For a fleeting moment, her eyes darted to the door, hoping that Ron would burst in any minute now.

"Don't worry, he won't be joining us," Draco sneered, "The stupid git landed himself in detention". Draco was now standing right in front of Hermione,

He suddenly snatched Hermione's wrists, his cold, white fingers gripping them painfully. They're faces were merely inches away from each other.

Hermione's heart dropped to the pit of her stomach, "w..what do you want with me?" Hermione asked fearfully, as Draco stared down upon her.

Draco leaned in even closer, His lips grazed Hermione's ear, "I might as well finish what I started, and make the rumors true." He said in one harsh whisper.

A chill ran down Hermione's spine, Her heart pounding, if possible, even harder in her chest.

"Let me go!" Hermione screamed as she pulled and tugged at her arms, trying to break free of Draco's grip.

Draco's fingers wrapped even more tighter around Hermione's wrists. She cried out in pain as his grip grew even stronger, any more stronger and he would have shattered every bone in her wrist.

He yanked at Hermione's arms and pulled her in closer as he swept down for a brutal kiss. Hermione kept her lips clamped shut, refusing Draco to kiss her as she tried to pull away. He bit down hard on Hermione's lips, causing her to cry out in pain, his tongue plunged into her mouth, tears spilt from Hermione's eyes as the rusty metal taste of blood and Draco's tongue entered her mouth.

Draco slammed Hermione roughly against the wall and ripped off the buttons of her white-collared shirt. Hermione winced at the agony of it all. She struggled to break free as Draco pushed her hands above her head and began kissing down her collarbone, while unbuckling his belt.

She glanced at the door again, begging for someone to rush in and save her..._No one's coming..._She realized sadly.

Hermione drew a deep breath, she couldn't let him do this to her...again.

Before Draco knew what was coming, she kneed him hard below the waist, Draco yelped, letting go of the grip he had on Hermione as he doubled over in pain.

Hermione bolted straight for the door, her hand reached out, merely inches away from the door knob. Draco grabbed her by the ankle and pulled.

Hermione's knees collided to the ground, her face also connecting to the floor with a heavy thud.

Draco straddled Hermione, holding her arms above her head once again, Hermione's breathing was heavy as she trembled in fear.

"You'll pay for that, mudblood" Draco grinned devilishly as his eyes stared hungrily down at her body.

"Help" Hermione cried repeatedly, silently praying that someone would hear her.

"No one's coming" Draco sneered as he pulled out his wand and dug it harshly under Hermione's chin, "You can't escape me" he whispered.

"ARGHh!" Draco yelled, as he hovered slightly before slamming against the wall behind him.

He howled in pain, before passing out as the back of his head hit the wall, doubled over on the floor, his hands were still clutching his face.

Ginny, Harry, Dean, Seamus, Neville and Ron were all standing outside Hermione's door, their wands all raised, there expressions mutinous as they stared down at the now unconscious Draco.

Seamus made his way over to Draco's unconscious body and kicked him aside, He grinned as he looked at Draco's face, there were wiggling tentacles, pus-filled warts, and a large mass of hair growing all at once.

"Nice!" he muttered impressively at Harry, Ginny, Dean and Neville who were all trying their best not to laugh out loud.

Ron rushed forward to Hermione's side, "Hermione, are you alright?" He asked gently as she sat up,

Hermione stared deeply into Ron's concern-filled eyes, Her heart going through all sorts of emotion...Hermione stared at the unconscious form of Draco, still in shock...She was just almost raped...again, for god's sake..she honestly didn't know where to begin.

"Ronald..." she whimpered in fear before she buried her face in his chest, tears spilling freely from her eyes.

"Shh...Shh, It's ok" He said comfortingly as he wrapped his arms around her, "You're ok now, I won't let him hurt you anymore."

Hermione sobbed even harder into Ron's chest, she was happy, scared and sad all at once, and she honestly didn't know how to cope with it all.

"I'm so sorry Hermione.." Ron said sadly as tears welled up in his eyes, He hugged her even tighter, "I'm sorry for everything..."

"It's ok..." Hermione said quietly as she finally looked up into Ron's eyes, "You didn't know...It wasn't you're fault..I was just...and you..." Hermione didn't finish her sentence, she just didn't know how, all she wanted was for Ron to know that she wasn't made at him anymore.

Ron understood, he nodded as he gently kissed Hermione's forehead, "I love you" He whispered quietly, as he stared deeply into her eyes, "I love you, so so much."

Hermione's heart fluttered as she let Ron wrap his arms around her again. For the first time, in a long time she felt safe. Everything just felt like things would be ok, now that she was in Ron's arms. Hermione gave a small smile, she understood that it would be hard to go back to the way things use to be, back to trusting people, but there was no doubt in her mind that she would get there, when she was ready.

"_Sometimes..."_ Hermione whispered quietly to herself,

_"We have to let things crash and burn before we can rise up from the ashes..."_

* * *

_I was blown away.  
What could I say?  
It all seemed to make sense.  
You've taken away everything,  
And I can't deal with that.  
I try to see the good in life,  
But good things in life are hard to find.  
We'll blow it away, blow it away.  
Can we make this something good?  
Well, I'll try to do it right this time around. _

Let's start over.  
I'll try to do it right this time around.  
It's not over.  
'Cause a part of me is dead and in the ground.  
This love is killing me,  
But you're the only one.  
It's not over.

Taken all I could take,  
And I cannot wait.  
We're wasting too much time  
Being strong, holding on.  
Can't let it bring us down.  
My life with you means everything,  
So I won't give up that easily.  
I'll blow it away, blow it away.  
Can we make this something good?  
'Cause it's all misunderstood.  
Well, I'll try to do it right this time around.

Let's start over.  
I'll try to do it right this time around.  
It's not over.  
'Cause a part of me is dead and in the ground.  
This love is killing me,  
But you're the only one.  
It's not over.

We can't let this get away.  
Let it out, let it out.  
Don't get caught up in yourself.  
Let it out.

Let's start over.  
I'll try to do it right this time around.  
It's not over.  
'Cause a part of me is dead and in the ground.  
This love is killing me,  
But you're the only one.  
It's not over.

Let's start over.  
It's not over, yeah...  
This love is killing me,  
But you're the only one.  
It's not over.

-Chris Daughtry


	18. the sequel

first off, i know it's been a while since i've updated and i am truly sorry for taking so long...the bad news is i'm not going to be doing a sequel to Crash and Burn...--------------------------------------------------------...the good news is i'm going to be doing an alternate ending instead (bet i had you scared there for a second) :) sorri lol, i tend to be very humorous at 3:03 am. Anyways, i decided that an alternate ending would be more appropriate for this story, it will take off after chapter 11, meaning the whole 'ron finding the pensieve' will have never happened, i have a general outline for how the story's going to go, and it's going to be more than 5 chapters at least, I hope you guys will like it better than the ending i originally gave, and don't worry there will be plenty of angst, twists and turns in the alternate ending chapters. PLEASE review or reply so that i know if this is the right path to go about with this story. I will hopefully have the first chapter of the alternate ending up by the end of this week.

thank you so much for your support and patience- sincerely shygurl88


	19. alternate ending chpt 1 heaven forbid

-author's note:---ok, i'm terribly sorry it took so long:( last minute vacation plans ended up with me being on a cruise for a whole week...without a computer lol, but i did manage to write a bit the old fashioned way-pen and paper- :), so here is the first part of the alternate ending, this chapter is A LOT similar to chapter 12 at first but just read it to the end! i've also included a brief preview for the next chapter as a reward for your patience :), i should have the next chapter up really soon considering i've written most of it already. so please review! so i know what you all are thinking. anyways enjoy, and don't forget that the alternate ending chapters take off after CHAPTER 11!

-shygurl88

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"Where have you been?" asked Seamus curiously as Ron sat down across from them.

Ron gave a sly smile, "Let's just say my pockets aren't going to be empty for long..."

"No way!" Dean said incredulously in a hushed voice.

Ron nodded, "Yup," he said in a satisfied tone, "I believe you three owe me some galleons."

"So the bet was still on then?" asked Harry disapprovingly.

"What do you mean?" asked Ron, "I don't think I ever called it off..."

"Ron," said Harry hesitantly, "er...Don't you...don't you think you're going a little too far with this whole thing?"

"Not Really." Ron shrugged as he pulled a plate of sausages towards him and began eating.

----

Hermione's eyes fluttered open as she felt the sunlight filtering in through her window,

"Ron?" she called out when she noticed that he was no longer laying next to her.

She checked the time, it was already 9:00 am. Hermione gave a small smile, knowing Ron and his huge appetite, he was probably down at breakfast already.

Hermione quickly got dressed and packed her books for classes, before leaving she checked the mirror, fixing her hair, making sure she looked decent..._For Ron_, she smiled.

-----

"Well how was she?" grinned Seamus.

Ron gave another one of his sly smiles before leaning forward so that only they could hear him, "Put it this way, boys..." he grinned, "they don't call her 'head' girl for nothing."

Harry stared stony faced at Ron, Ron was being a real jackass, and he was definitely pushing it.

Dean and Seamus broke into an uproar of laughter; they immediately tried to suppress their giggles as they caught sight of Hermione walking towards them,

"Hey guys, Hi Ron.." She said nervously, _what had they been laughing about...did Ron tell them about last night? was I really that bad?; _she began to panic.

"What's so funny?" she tried to ask casually,

"Oh," Ron answered, "We were just laughing about a bet we made a while back" he chuckled.

Hermione gave a sigh of relief. _Thank God._ She muttered to herself as she pulled a plate of toast towards her.

"Don't you wanna know what the bet was about?" asked Ron curiously.

"Umm...sure" Hermione said, listening to Ron intently, while still concentrating on her plate and cutting her toast into halves.

"It's a funny story, really" Ron began.

"You see, we all made this bet, about a couple of months ago, to see if I could get you to fall in love with me or whatever..."

Hermione was still concentrating on her plate, but she had stopped cutting her food...

"But I knew that would be too easy, so I decided to raise the stakes a bit." Ron continued,

"Ron, that's enough." Harry said firmly.

"Hold on Harry, I haven't even gotten to the best part..."

"by raising the stakes, I mean, we bet to see if I could get you to sleep with me...it's pretty hilarious, really" Ron said finally,

Hermione had let her fork slip from her fingers, she was still staring in confusion at her plate...Nothing seemed to make sense, she had heard Ron, but the words weren't connecting in her mind...it didn't make sense to her at all...she couldn't have heard him correctly..._right?...If this was some crazy prank...it definitely wasn't funny..._

Hermione turned to Ron, his expression was blank, emotionless...

"Ron..." she said nervously, shaking her head slightly, "If this is another joke of yours..."

"Believe me Hermione, it's no joke" he said smiling slightly, "go ahead ask them." Ron replied as he motioned to Harry and the others.

Hermione her eyes full of concern, turned to Harry for confirmation, _is it true?_

Harry glanced regretfully at Hermione before staring down at the table and nodding, he couldn't bear to look at Hermione any longer...

She stared wordlessly back at Ron, and opened her mouth to retort...but she didn't know exactly what to say. She closed her mouth shut again...She refused to believe Ron would do that to her..._Ron would never do that to me...I care about him...and he cares about me..._

Ron stared back at her, he had done what he had set out to do, and he honestly couldn't feel any better...He had hurt Hermione...the same way she hurt him. He didn't feel guilty at all, why should he? Afterall, she cheated on him...

"Payback's a bitch." he said harshly.

In one huge blow, Ron's words seemed to slam straight into Hermione, _Last night he really had slept with her...for a bet..._

She felt as though she were going to be sick, her eyes filled with tears as she gave Ron one last look and rushed out of the Great Hall.

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Hermione paced the girls' lavatory, wringing her hands in anxiety.

She finally stared into the mirror, _it was all a lie...a bet..._She thought to herself, as tears slid down her face.

Nothing seemed to make sense anymore, Everything that she had believed in had turned out to be a lie. Ron was suppose to save her, he was the one that had finally taught her to love again… Hermione began to cry harder at the very thought; she had put all her trust, all her hope, all her faith in Ron, only to be let down.

Hermione looked back into the mirror again, her hands gripping the sides of the cold, white porcelain sink. She felt as though the bathroom were spinning around her, her breathing was shallow and ragged, she retched and placed a shaky hand over her mouth as she fought the sudden urge to throw up again, she clumsily tried to cleaned herself up, letting the cold water splash across her face.

...She slowly sank to the floor in defeat, to weak to stand, and closed her eyes. _Just calm down..._she whispered to herself...

_Calm down?!?,_ yelled the voice in her head,_...how the hell can I calm down?!?_

_Ron slept with me...for a bet..._

Hermione began to sob all over again as the truth finally hit her,

_This can't be happening..._

_Things like this aren't suppose to happen to me..._She cried.

_Things like this only happen in movies or something...not in real life..._

"I knew I shouldn't have trusted him...I shouldn't have trusted anyone." she muttered angrily to herself, as she wiped her tears away in frustration. "I told myself not to...How could I have been so stupid?"

Hermione looked back into the mirror, "No more..." she whispered to herself. The wall around her heart that was just so recently broken down, slowly began building itself back up. "Never again..."

Hermione slammed her fist against the mirror, watching as her reflection shattered to a million pieces...just like her heart...

_I have to get out of here. _She thought resolutely, ignoring the stinging pain in her hand...this castle was stifling, and she had to get out...

Hermione stormed out of the lavatory, with nothing else on her mind but the thought of leaving, she rushed to her room and tossed everything haphazardly into her trunk.

Tears streamed down her face all over again as she ran past the castle doors, the trees of the Forbidden forest, the Great Lake, Hagrid's Hut; it all became a blurry background as she picked up her pace, each step bringing her closer to leaving it all; the pain, her past, Ron…just a little further…

Hermione abruptly stopped, by now she had run well past the entrance gates of Hogwarts. Gripping the stitch in her chest, she closed her eyes for a brief moment and caught her breath, not daring to look behind her; to stare at the place that she could once call home.

This was it, no turning back now, Hermione nodded her head resolutely, finally coming up with her decision, and with a quick turn of her heel she was gone, never to return to Hogwarts; the place that had caused her so much joy, yet so much pain…

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Twenty years it's breaking  
You down, now that you  
Understand there's no one around.  
Take a breath, just take a seat, you're  
Falling apart and tearing at the seams.

Heaven forbid you end up  
Alone and don't know why  
Hold on tight, wait for tomorrow,  
You'll be alright.

It's on your face, is it on your mind,  
Would you care to  
Build a house of your own?  
How much longer,  
How long can you wait,  
It's like you wanted to go  
And give yourself away.

Heaven forbid you end up  
Alone and don't know why  
Hold on tight, wait for tomorrow,  
You'll be alright.

It feels good.  
Is that reason enough for you?  
It feels good.  
Is that reason enough for you?

Heaven forbid you end up  
Alone and don't know why  
Hold on tight, wait for tomorrow,  
You'll be alright.  
Heaven forbid you end up  
Alone and don't know why  
Hold on tight, wait for tomorrow,  
You'll be alright.

Out of this one  
Don't know how to get you out of this one,  
Don't know how to get you out of this one,  
Don't know how to get you out of this one,  
Don't know how to get you out of this one.

-_the fray_

-PREVIEW FOR NEXT CHAPTER-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The world had changed her, she was no longer the confident and bright young witch of her past. No…time had changed her, dimmed her faith, her determination.

Hermione closed her eyes, subconsciously wrapping her arms around herself as thoughts of her past began to haunt her; life had definitely been anything but fair to her:

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"_How did you find me?" Hermione sighed resignedly, finally turning around to face the man she knew would turn up eventually. _

"_I have my ways Miss Granger. It was only a matter of time," he replied with a small attempt at a smile._


	20. alternate ending chpt 2: when it rains

A/N: First off, thanks for all the reviews! They really motivated me to get this next chapter posted up quickly. Anyways I hope you like the chapter, I know it's pretty dark…ok really dark…all I can say is, this storyline is like the fever, it has to get worse before it can get better lol. So other than that enjoy:P and keep reviewing, I'll try to get the next chapter posted up soon. Oh, and I'm also going to try and put up a trailer for the alternate ending, not sure when I'll be able to do that though, it might take a while. Ok, I'm going to sleep, it's 5:29 in the morning and I'm exhausted lol, sorry for any typos :(

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FOUR YEARS LATER:

Hermione stared hopelessly at the pouring rain just outside her grimy window. With her knees drawn close to her chest she leaned her head against the cold window panes and sighed. The weather in London had always seemed to perfectly match the way she was feeling inside; dark and gloomy.

_Is life suppose to be like this, _Hermione thought sadly to herself, _pathetic and unfair?_

The world had changed her. She was no longer the confident and bright young witch of her past. No…time had changed her, dimmed her faith, her determination.

Hermione closed her eyes, subconsciously wrapping her arms around herself as thoughts of her past began to haunt her; life had definitely been anything but fair to her:

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"_How did you find me?" Hermione sighed resignedly, finally turning around to face the man she knew would turn up eventually._

"_I have my ways Miss Granger. It was only a matter of time," he replied with a small attempt at a smile. _

"_Hermione," He said a little more seriously, "Where have you been? It's been months. You're parents have been worried sick. We thought you had been captured by death eaters…Harry and the Weasleys—"_

_Hermione slightly cringed, her old wounds reopening at the mere mention of his last name. "Sir, I'm sorry, but you're just wasting your time, I'm not going back." She interrupted firmly. " —I can't go back there."_

"_It pains me to see such a bright mind as yours go to waste. You still have a year of school. You can't throw all your hard work away over some petty quarrel."_

_Hermione bit her tongue, __**petty quarrel? **__Her reasons for leaving were worth more than just some petty quarrel. If only he knew the truth…If only he knew…_

"_Sir, you know just as well as I do that I have more than enough credentials to graduate from Hogwarts already." She spat back._

"_That is true Miss Granger," Dumbledore nodded in agreement, "but why? Why leave when you have so much going for you; your friends and family? Don't you want them to see you complete your last year at Hogwarts?"_

_Hermione stayed silent, staring at her feet, anything to avoid Dumbledore's concerned gaze._

_Dumbledore placed a gentle hand on her shoulder, "What's going on Hermione?" He asked worriedly, "This isn't like you at all, what happened?"_

_Hermione shook her head and pulled away from Dumbledore, staring at the opposite wall as tears brimmed her eyes, "It's nothing." She whispered quietly. "It was my decision to leave and I'm sticking by it." _

"_You at least owe your parents the right to know where you are." Professor Dumbledore tried to reason,_

_Hermione nearly cried at the thought of her parents, guilt immediately flooded her heart…she hadn't seen them since she fled Hogwarts…_

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_Hermione rang the doorbell, adjusting the strap of her knapsack back onto her shoulder. She straightened her hair and took a deep breath as she stood just outside the maple door._

_She stared at the glass panels of the window, catching sight of her reflection, she didn't realized how much she had changed; Her hair was slightly tamer, no longer the bushy mess from her school days, she was considerably thinner than before and her eyes, there were dark circles that shadowed around them, but there was also something else, something about them didn't seem right, they were dimmer, haunted as though they had seen things that they didn't wish to see, things that would cause a person to change. Would they even recognize her? It had been two years since she had ran away from Hogwarts…Two years since she had seen her family, her friends._

_Hermione began taking a few steps back, she was wrong, she couldn't do this, not now, she wasn't ready. _

_She was about to leave until the door swung open, _

"_Oh my god," The woman exhaled, placing a shaky hand over her mouth in shock when she caught sight of the girl standing at her doorstep , "Hermione, where –w —it's been two years—"she began to stutter, dangerously on the brink of tears._

"_Hi mom…" Hermione whispered sadly, her own eyes brimmed with tears as she saw the weariness in her mother's eyes._

_Mrs. Granger immediately pulled her daughter into a hug, "I was so scared—I thought I would never see you again" she spoke in relief, embracing her tightly._

_Hermione's mom ushered her inside the house, "I've missed you so much." She said as they both sat on the couch, for a brief second, she considered making tea, but immediately decided against it, the thought of leaving Hermione's side made her uneasy._

"_Where's dad?" Hermione asked as she scanned the living room._

_The tears that Mrs. Granger had been holding back finally began to slide down her cheek._

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_Stop it…_Hermione scolded herself; tears glistened her eyes, but didn't dare to fall as she thought about that day. –Cancer, her mother had finally told her quietly, it was cancer that had taken Hermione's father away from her. She had seen the resentment in her mother's eyes that day, knowing that deep down her mother wanted to say the things that she didn't have the heart to speak out loud. _Why had she run away? She should have been there, right by her father's side when he became ill. _

Hermione buried her face in her hands as more memories flooded her mind, _why did she constantly put herself through such torture?_ Drowning in her sorrows had started to become a daily ritual for her.

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"_How is she?" Hermione asked anxiously, standing up immediately as she caught sight of the doctor walking towards her._

"_I'm sorry Miss Granger, there was nothing we could do." He replied, placing a comforting hand on her shoulder._

"_Nothing you could do? W—what do you mean?—wh-" Hermione began to stutter as tears streamed down her face._

"_She wasn't in any pain when she passed away" he tried to explain gently._

"_But what was wrong?" Hermione asked, trying to make sense of all this._

"—_why—why did she…" she couldn't finish her sentence as she began sobbing._

"_We've run all the possible tests out there and couldn't detect anything, we're still puzzled as to how she passed away." He stated grimly. "I'm sorry for your loss Miss Granger" he added, patting her on the shoulder before walking away._

_Hermione stood there, too numb to move, her eyes red and puffy from crying. Her mother was __**gone**__, just like her father, never to return again. The harsh fluorescent lights of the hospital glowed and flickered in the background, people bustled about, life went on for them, but for her everything was at a standstill; time seemed to have slowed. _

_How did this happen? Just a few months ago she had shone up on her mother's doorstep, ready to start over, ready to go back to being her old self again, but instead she ended up watching her mother slowly waste away. It started off as a cold, and slowly but surely it got worst, to the point where she had gotten too weak to even stand. No one knew what was wrong, doctors were left puzzled. But deep down Hermione knew that her mother was dying of a broken heart, her husband was gone; nothing seemed worth living anymore, it was only a matter of time till she would want to join her husband. _

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_Love can do that to you_, Hermione thought bitterly, make you feel as though you literally can't live without it, one minute you're the happiest person in the world, but when the one you love leaves, and believe me, they always leave, there's nothing you can do, suddenly the world you've worked so hard to build comes crashing down…

And here she was, living in a small flat just above the pub she worked at, all alone, no mom, no dad, and no friends. The girl she once been had faded away, to be replaced with someone she barely knew, someone living a sorry excuse of a life. Gone were the ambitions of making a difference, hopes of traveling the world had slipped away, dreams of falling in love, living in a big house with the perfect family, were all crushed.

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And when it rains on this side of town  
It touches everything  
Just say it again and mean it  
We don't miss a thing

You made yourself a bed at the bottom of the blackest hole  
(Blackest hole)  
And convinced yourself that it's not the reason  
You don't see the sun anymore

And oh, oh, how could you do it?  
Oh, I, I never saw it coming  
And oh, oh, I need the ending  
So why can't you stay just long enough to explain?

And when it rains  
Well, you always find an escape  
Just running away from all of the ones who love you  
From everything

You made yourself a bed at the bottom of the blackest hole  
(Blackest hole)  
And you'll sleep till May  
And you'll say that you don't wanna see the sun anymore

And oh, oh, how could you do it?  
Oh, I, I never saw it coming  
And oh, oh, I need the ending  
So why can't you stay just long enough to explain?

Take your time  
Take my time

Take these chances to turn it around  
(Take your time)  
Just take these chances  
We'll make it somehow  
And take these chances to turn it around  
(Take my...)  
Just turn it around

And oh, how could you do it?  
Oh, I, I never saw it coming  
Oh, oh, how could you do it?  
Oh, I, I never saw it coming  
Oh, oh, how could you do it?  
Oh I, I never saw it coming  
Oh, oh, I need an ending  
So why can't you stay just long enough to explain?

You can take your time  
Take my time

_-paramore_


	21. alt ending chpt 3: ghost of you and me

ahh!! i'm so sorry it took so long, i never intended to leave you guys hanging. anyways i'm forever grateful for your reviews, i've been going thru some rough times lately, so thank you for making me want to continue on :), so i hope you enjoy the chapter, keep reviewing and i'll get the next chapter up really soon --this time i promise!!--

-shygurl88

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"You're late." Hermione's boss stated gruffly.

"I know," Hermione replied apologetically while quickly making her way down the staircase, "I'm sorry Mr. Vane, I must've lost track of time."

Mr. Vane glanced at Hermione's hair which was still damp from showering. "You know, you should think twice about how you're using up that water." He shook his head in irritation, "Everytime…" he mumbled grouchily, "wasting hours away in that thing—running up the damn water bill."

"Sorry, I just—" Hermione stopped and thought about it, _why did she spend so much time in the shower?_ As ridiculous as it may sound, the truth was, Hermione felt it was the only time she could think clearly, all her despair and sorrows seemed to spiral down the drain, all her tears were hidden and drowned out by the jets of water streaming down her face, even if it was only for that brief moment.

"Never mind" he replied, interrupting her thoughts.

"Look, we got a big group coming in today, very important people, so I need you to quit daydreaming and be productive for once, got it?" He continued gruffly.

"Yes, Sir" she answered, resisting the urge to roll her eyes, _did her boss always have to be so rude?_

"And after everything's done, I need you to tidy up the flat across from yours." He added.

Hermione nodded as she began to wipe down the tables, today was going to be a very long day.

Hermione had just come up from the cellar with a few boxes as a large cluster of people made their way into the pub. This was probably the 'very important group' Mr. Vane was talking about.

"There's my girl!" came Mr. Vane's booming voice.

Hermione turned around in confusion, _my girl?_

"Daddy!" shrieked a raven-haired woman, as she flew past Hermione and into Mr. Vane's awaiting arms.

Hermione stared wide eyed at the scene unfolding in front of her; the grouchy and short-tempered boss of hers seemed to melt in his daughter's presence.

"I've missed you so much sweetie!" Mr. Vane exclaimed with a wide grin as he embraced her, "So where is he? Where's my future son in law?" he asked.

"He's coming a bit later" his daughter smiled toothily as she flaunted her enormous engagement ring.

Mr. Vane nodded approvingly at the sight of her ring, "Well, you must be exhausted from the trip, your room's already set upstairs. She'll take you." he added finally drawing attention to Hermione.

Mr. Vane's daughter spun around, her eyes widened as she recognized Hermione's familiar face.

Hermione's jaw dropped, she stood there, frozen…speechless at the sight of her; Romilda Vane…

"Hello, Hermione." Romilda said with an amused grin.

* * *

A few hours later…. 

Hermione scowled as she made her way down the hall, carrying a new set of bed sheets for Romilda and her 'darling fiance' who must have just arrived few moments ago.

Hermione knocked on the door and sighed as she heard the sound of giggling and affectionate whispers coming from the two lovebirds.

"Come In!" Romilda yelled finally as she adjusted the tie of her bathrobe.

Hermione entered Romilda's living room, "You wanted me to change the sheets?" she asked flatly.

Romilda smiled politely, "Yes, that would be wonderful. The bedroom's just down that way."

Hermione gave Romilda a peculiar look,wondering why she was being so nice. Thinking back, Hermione realized that the last time they had spoken, Romilda had slapped her across the face and called her a slytherin slut.

Hermione shook her head and shrugged it off, _I guess people change _she thought simply.

"Who was at the door honey?" came a deep voice from the hallway.

"Oh, no one important..." Romilda replied happily.

Hermione stared wide eyed at the man entering the room. Her heart seemed to be pounding in her throat as she stood there, too stunned to move or even breath for that matter.

"Hermione?" Ron asked in shock, a million thoughts began to cross his mind as he stared right back at her. Ron cleared his throat, snapping out of his reverie he noticed that he was only wearing a shabby towel around his waist..."I--well...it's good to see you" he stated unconvincingly as he tried to fix the towel more securely around his hips.

"I should go-" Hermione whispered uneasily as she dropped the bed sheets and raced out of the room.

"Hermione, wait!" Ron called out after her.

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A tear slid down Hermione's cheek as soon as she slammed her bedroom door shut. She quickly wiped her eyes as each tear steadily fell faster.

Hermione slid to the floor her face buried in her hands as she continued to cry at the unfairness of it all. The sight of him, of Ron; barely dressed in nothing but a towel had shaken her. She had tried all these years to forget him, his eyes, his hair, his arms, his lips, his voice...for four years, all of it, all of him had haunted her dreams. And now it was a reality, no matter how hard she had tried to run away from her past, it had come crashing right back into her, and there seemed to be nothing she could do to stop it.

Hermione immediately jumped up as she heard her front door creak open...

* * *

_What am I supposed to do, With all these blues? _

_H__aunting me, everywhere, no matter what I do._

_Watching the candle flicker out in the evening glow, I cant let go. _

_When will this night be over?_

_I didn't mean to fall in love with you, _

_And baby there's a name for what you put me through, _

_It isn't love, it's robbery, _

_I'm sleeping with the ghost of you and me._

_Seen a lot of broken hearts go sailing by,_

_Phantom ships, lost at sea, And one of them is mine. _

_Raising my glass, I sing a toast to the midnight sky, _

_I wonder why, the stars don't seem to guide me._

_I didn't mean to fall in love with you _

_And baby there's a name for what you put me through _

_It isn't love, it's robbery, _

_I'm sleeping with the ghost of you and me._

_The ghost of you and me, When will it set me free? _

_I hear the voices call. _

_Following footsteps down the hall, _

_trying to save what's left of my heart and soul._

_Watching the candle flicker out in the evening glow _

_I can't let go, _

_When will the night be over?_

_-bbmak_


	22. alt ending chpt 4: apologies

A/N: THANK YOU ALL so much for your reviews, lol especially rookwing, yours made me smile for a while haha, and it really did inspire me to put the chapter up as fast as i could. and thenamesgigi your review made me laugh, i'm sorry i made your heart palpitate :(, it's gonna be palpitating for a while... lol :).

anyways...Here's chapter four of the alternate ending, I really hope you like it, and the song i used for this chpt is definitely one of my favorites, you should play it while you're reading :), I'll try to get the next chapter up soon, so keep reviewing!

okay time for me to sleep it's 3:57 am :P

* * *

Ron drew a deep breath as he entered Hermione's flat, unsure of what Hermione's reaction would be at the sight of him. He honestly didn't know how he was able to make it this far. All he knew was that he felt guilty, over what, he was definitely unsure of. But he had the idea that it probably had something to do with Hermione seeing him in nothing but a shabby towel and the fact that Romilda was his fiancée. _Was he doing the right thing? Just walking into Hermione's flat uninvited? _He thought back to the very last time he had seen her, the look of betrayal and hurt in her eyes. Ron shook the memory out of his mind, he was so blind back then, blinded by the idea of revenge. _Maybe I shouldn't be here, _he thought fleetingly as he had the sudden urge to just turn around and leave.

_No,_ _I'm different, I've learned from my mistakes…_ He whispered firmly to himself, finally realizing that they had both done each other wrong in the past and it was now his turn to be the 'bigger man'; After he apologized for the whole episode that occurred earlier, he would forgive her for cheating on him, and she would forgive him for trying to get revenge on her, that's what had to happen, plain and simple.

But his far fetched idea of a plan crumbled to pieces within seconds, all thoughts seemed to wash away from his mind as soon as Hermione stepped into the living room, her arms folded lightly across her chest as she leaned nervously against her bedroom doorframe. Ron froze, and continued to stand there for what seemed like ages, staring intensely at Hermione, he was so taken aback by the sight of her.

He had only caught a brief glimpse of her before when she had walked in on him and Romilda, but this, seeing her for the first time, a mere few feet apart from him, took his breath away. A familiar fire seemed to have flooded his heart and he honestly wasn't sure if it was out of attraction or loathing towards Hermione.

Hermione glanced at Ron, quickly looking away as she made contact with his eyes. Something about them always got to her. Her heart seemed to be beating in her throat as the silence between them pressed against her ears.

The nervous pain in her stomach grew, as she stared down at her feet, so many questions and thoughts ran through her mind. _What was he doing here...in __**her**__ apartment? _It was bad enough to see him once so suddenly, but twice in the same night? What was he trying to do, give her a heart attack?

"…hi" Ron whispered quietly, interrupting Hermione's thoughts and finally breaking the silence between them.

Hermione's head snapped up at Ron's sudden utterance of a word.

Ron stared at the floor shuffling his feet as he tried to continue, "I—I'm sorr…I mean, I didn't mean for you to walk in on me, with the towel—and me just barging in here—I was just trying to see if—", Ron sighed, apologizing was a lot harder than he thought it would be, Ron gave up, thinking that he should quit while he was ahead, or behind in his case.

Hermione listened as Ron stuttered on, if she wasn't so unsure of her feelings towards Ron, she would have laughed at him, in some ways he was still the same old Ron; never really great at words or getting his point across.

"It's ok" Hermione said finally putting Ron out of his misery, "It's no big deal—it was just an honest mistake"

Ron nodded, relieved that he didn't have to try to explain why he was practically naked in front of her earlier that night.

"It really is good seeing you. " Ron said sincerely as he finally looked her in the eyes.

Hermione nodded slightly, "It's good seeing you too." she whispered. A pang of sadness surged through Hermione's heart as she whispered these words, all the memories of her past seemed to come rushing in. He had hurt her so terribly before, and now he was back in her life, in her living room to be exact, carrying on a normal conversation as though they were friends again. _Are we friends again?_ She thought quietly to herself. Was it even possible to go back to the way things use to be, especially after everything that happened between them?

"Hermione, about Romilda,— " Ron said quietly, but stopped as he saw something flicker across Hermione's eyes; was it anger, resentment? Or was it just apathy? Whatever it was, it was gone before it came, Ron put it past him, thinking that it was just his imagination.

Hermione looked away from Ron again, shaking her head slightly at his audacity of bringing up Romilda, he really wasn't the best at words.

"She's not who she was before," Ron tried to explain, "She's different. She's nice once you get to know her."

Hermione bit her lip, "You don't have to explain Ron. I know people can change over time. Besides, you two look really happy together. I wish you nothing but the best."

Ron stared at Hermione, looking for any hint of sarcasm, but there was nothing, just acceptance, she was taking this a lot better than he thought she would.

Ron smiled in relief, realizing that they both must have finally moved on from their pasts and were willing to act civilized towards each other.

"Well I should probably go—" Ron stated finally.

Hermione nodded and walked him to the door.

"Harry and Gin are meeting us tomorrow afternoon, I'm sure they'll love to see you, maybe you can join us for lunch?" Ron asked uncertainly.

Hermione smiled softly, "I'd really like that" she said sincerely.

"Good," Ron smiled again, "I'll see you tomorrow." Ron moved in to hug her before he left, but decided against it, "Bye—" he said awkwardly, waving slightly as he exited Hermione's flat.

"Bye, Ron" she whispered as he left.

Hermione closed her door, drawing a deep breath as she sat on her couch, _What just happened?_ Hermione shook her head, Things seemed to be ok between her and Ron, yet so many words were left unsaid. _Why did he place that bet four years ago? Why is he marrying Romilda? Are Ginny and Harry still mad at her? _

Nothing seemed to make sense anymore, did Ron really think that all their problems would be resolved after a brief exchange of words? Hermione hated this, this familiar feeling of uncertainty and confusion of what would lie ahead. _Why didn't I say anything?_ _I should_ _have told him how I felt…_She was angry at him, after all these years, anger still flooded her heart whenever she thought about how he used her. She wanted to tell him about everything she had been through, all the tears she cried; over him, over her mother and father, over the loneliness. Would he apologize and beg for forgiveness? If he knew what she had been through, would he feel terrible about what he did?

_Stop It!_ The voice in her head said firmly. She was tired, of playing the victim, of struggling and crying. If her parents' deaths had taught her anything, it was that there were bigger things in life than falling out of love. Looking back, Hermione realized that it wasn't a big deal that her and Ron broke up, at least when compared to everything else that happened to her. Hermione nodded her head resolutely, finally accepting that it was time to get a hold of her life and get out of the hole she had buried herself in for so long, it was time to pick up the pieces and move on. She would make friends with Harry and Ginny again and she would be happy for Ron and Romilda, this would be the start of her new life.

…But no matter how much she would try and deny it, a part of her heart still belonged to Ron and there was nothing she could do to get it back...

* * *

_Yesterday he said my eyes  
Were fading fast away  
I said well what do you expect  
You asked me not to stay and if it had all been for the best  
I wouldn't feel this way  
And he said_

_Oh he said it's crazy  
How love stays with me  
You know it hurts me  
Cause I don't wanna fight this war  
It's amazing to see me reading through this scene  
Of love and fear and apologies_

_My love is like a blanket  
That gets a little bit too warm sometimes  
I wanna wrap somebody in it  
Who can hold me in his arms  
Cause when it got a little too hot in there  
He was always stepping out for air and he froze  
Oh he froze_

_He said it's crazy  
How love stays with me  
You know it hurts me  
Cause I don't wanna fight this war  
It's amazing to see me reading through this scene  
Of love and fear and apologies_

_Yesterday he looked at me  
With a tear in his eye and said  
I'll always tell you you're my friend  
I hope i don't have to lie  
Cause it's clear you love another man  
I said you're damn right_

_And he said  
He said it's crazy  
How love stays with me  
You know it hurts me  
Cause I don't wanna fight this war  
It's amazing to see me reading through this scene  
Of love and fear and apologies  
He said it's crazy  
How love stays with me  
You know it hurts me  
That i didn't figure it out before  
And now it's too late for a soliloquy  
It's way too late for dignity  
It's time for apologies_

_-grace potter and the nocturnals_

* * *

_**no..this is not the end!! lol here's a very small preview for the next chapter:**_

_"Hermione?!" He nearly yelled as his eyes widened in suprise._

_"Hi, Harry" Hermione smiled, barely able to finish her sentence as he rushed to her and embraced her tightly._


	23. alt ending chpt 5: older

wow...it's been a while. I guess all I can say is: "I'm back?...and I'm sorry :(" lol :)

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Hermione straightened her blouse again for the millionth time as she stared into the mirror. She drew in a deep breath and exhaled slowly as she closed her eyes. _Calm down. _She whispered to herself. This was it, today was the day she would see them; Harry, Ginny, and of course, Ron. The fear inside her that she had been trying to push away all morning had instantly resurfaced. _What would they think of her? How would everyone react when they saw each other?_

Hermione inhaled and exhaled again, feeling the familiar heaviness in her heart…_It's time to forget the past and move on._ She reminded herself sternly. Realizing that she would have to face them sooner or later, she finally made her way downstairs…

Ron greeted Harry and Ginny as they made their way into Mr. Vane's pub and motioned for all of them to sit.

"It's good to see you mate" Harry grinned as he patted Ron on the back.

"Bridezilla's running late I see..." Ginny smiled motioning to the empty chair next to her.

Ron glared at his sister, "Come on Gin, I told you to quit calling her that!" Ron protested.

Harry chuckled, "She's just joking Ron." Harry cleared his throat and nudged Ginny lightly, "Right, Gin?"

"Yeah, yeah" Ginny waved off. She noticed the sour expression on her brother's face, sighed and considerately added a cheesy grin "See! Only joking Ronald".

Ron rolled his eyes before finally joining in on the laughter between Harry and Ginny.

"Anyways, like I was saying…" Ron continued, "Romilda's not late, she's actually out shopping with her dad". "Someone else should be joining us soon though" He added with a small smile.

Harry gave Ron a curious look. But before he could ask him what was up, Ron gestured towards the staircase; "Speak of the devil…" he whispered softly.

Harry turned around, his eyes widening at the sight before him.

Hermione search the room as she reached the bottom of the stairs, self consciously tucking a few strands of her hair behind her ear and biting her lip nervously. She caught sight of Ron waving his hand in the air and quickly made her way over.

She nearly gasped at the sight of Ginny and Harry. It was strange seeing all of them here, after all the time that passed; Hermione hadn't realized how much she had missed them.

Hermione drew in a deep breath, "Hi, Harry-" Hermione smiled shyly, but she was barely able to finish her sentence as he rushed to her and embraced her tightly.

"Hermione it's so good seeing you". Harry exclaimed, hugging her tighter, afraid that she would disappear if he let go. She hugged him back full force, nearly on the brink of tears, "It's been too long" she whispered sadly.

Harry nodded into her shoulder, before finally breaking away from their embrace. He gave her a small smile; unable to speak for fear that he would burst into tears if he tried.

Hermione turned to face Ginny, whose eyes were already rimmed red.

Ginny opened her mouth to speak, but hesitated, unsure of what to say. She wanted to say she was sorry, that she missed Hermione terribly, that she wanted to be friends again, that she forgave Hermione, but none of these things were able to come out of her mouth right. Ginny's lip quivered when she noticed Hermione's eyes begin to brim with tears as well. In a rush of emotion they embraced each other fiercely. Ginny let the tears flow from her eyes freely. Hermione buried her face into Ginny's shoulder and just cried. All that happened between them didn't matter. At least not at this moment….They both knew that they were sorry and that seemed to be enough. They both understood each other; that was the one thing that time seemed to have not been able to change.

Ron and Hermione gazed at each other, when Ginny had finally agreed to let go.

"It's good to have you back, Mione". He whispered sincerely, before kissing her lightly on the cheek.

Hermione felt the warmth of his lips send a jolt to her heart when they grazed her cheek and she nearly swooned. It was strange, that he could still make her feel that way, after all those years, and after everything that happened. This realization sent a pang of sadness to her heart.

It was bittersweet, seeing everyone. Hermione realized as they all finally sat down and began talking. She hadn't realized how much time had past, it was as though she had been under a deep sleep, and it was only now that she was slowly waking up. Hermione kept quiet most of the time; letting the other three talk. She listened to their tales of adventure, and travels, smiling and laughing occasionally, but under the surface her heart grew heavy with sadness and regret. It seemed as though she had spent the past few years of her life wasting away. _That's the bitter part…realizing how much you've missed, how much you could have done._ She thought to herself regretfully.

Ginny launched into a story of just how embarrassingly nervous she was the first day she played with the Holyhead Harpies.

"Hey, you ok?" Harry nudged discreetly to Hermione.

Hermione nodded, looking around she saw her three best friends, although they've all had their fair share of fights and mistakes, they were finally together, the past was the past, and each one realized that it was better to forgive and forget, than dwell on what couldn't be changed.

"I'm not ok yet," she replied sincerely, "But I know I will be."

And then it dawned on her; _**that**__ must be the sweet part…Realizing how much you've missed and finally waking up; knowing that there's still time to change for the better._ Hermione understood that it wasn't going to be easy, she knew it would be painful to try and change who she'd become. That part scared her the most; facing the person she had become, realizing how far she had let herself fall. But she had to try….she had to at least try...

* * *

Waited all my life for this day to come  
I feel like letting go  
Life goes on  
Wasting no more time  
So much to be done  
Everything works out  
So they say  
Over my shoulder  
It's tough getting older  
Yeah, yeah

Seems like nothing is black and white anymore  
Shades of gray and I feel a weight over my shoulder  
It's tough getting older  
I always thought that I knew where I'd want to go  
Now I'm here and I find that I'm still getting colder  
It's kinda tough getting older

Here before my eyes  
Many roads ahead  
Time for me to choose one way now  
If I take a chance  
What lies down the road  
Feeling so confused  
Turned around  
On and on  
On and on  
Yeah, yeah'

Seems like nothing is black and white anymore  
Shades of gray and I feel a weight over my shoulder  
It's tough getting older  
I always thought that I knew where I'd want to go  
Now I'm here and I find that I'm still getting colder  
It's kinda tough getting older

Waited all my life for this day to come  
I feel like letting go  
Life goes on  
Over my shoulder  
It's tough getting older  
Yeah, yeah'

Seems like nothing is black and white anymore  
Shades of gray and I feel a weight over my shoulder  
It's tough getting older  
I always thought that I knew where I'd want to go  
Now I'm here and I find that I'm still getting colder  
It's kinda tough getting older

Seems like nothing is black and white anymore  
Shades of gray and I feel a weight over my shoulder  
It's tough getting older...

-colbie caillat

* * *

Sorry i don't have a preview for the next chapter yet, Hopefully I'll have it up really soon though...

* * *


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